62-THE BUDDING LIBIDO

 

We are 100% animal of the ape family, but we are unique animals in that we are intelligent, which means we can connect the past, the present and the future. The more we can do that the more intelligent we are. However, on the happiness scale, intelligence is only an asset if we use it to be nurturing or creative.

When we became intelligent, we left the world of natural selection, and therein lies a major human problem. We kept on living according to the laws of natural selection that encourage us to adopt a ‘survival of the fittest’ attitude, instead of striving to establish an enduring, loving and connected family, and identifying what we really love to do and doing it for a living. We always want more of everything. We want to be or give the impression that we are smarter, richer and stronger, and we seek better diplomas, more money, a bigger house, a more expensive car and many other ‘mores’. We are absolutely blind to the fact that we live in the best of all possible worlds, a world of credit that gives us every opportunity to be happy. It’s not that the ‘mores’ are bad in themselves, it’s just that we choose them to the detriment of happiness. Creating a family that endures one’s lifespan and doing what we love doing for a living are the things that make us happy, yet, we opt for the ‘mores’. Being nurturing and creative definitely takes second place. Putting it another way, we’re more concerned about impressing others than doing things that make us happy.

I discovered that the great world of credit was created by the greatest man that ever lived, and if my findings are sound, and they are, we should want to take advantage of that world. Accepting the fact that we are apes that left the world of natural selection some three million years ago, thrashing the laws of survival of the fittest that make us always want more, and learning how to be nurturing and creative, would be a good way to do just that.

We have all the bad traits of apes, because that’s what we are. It could even be said that we display more despicable behaviors than our wild cousins because we’re more resourceful, more intelligent. We may have learned to deal with hunger, thirst, urination and defecation, but not our libido, and if we helped our children understand and manage their emerging libido, it could have a huge positive effect on the life path they choose.

We are psychologically constructed in two stages. The foundation is laid when we are taught to be intimate as a newborn. That’s when the lucky ones learn that they’re somebody and feel good about themselves. The second stage occurs when the child’s libido awakens. The first thoughts, dreams and impressions are innocent enough, but when his libido takes hold and causes physical changes to his body, he is thrown in total disarray. That’s when the child tends to stray from his parents’ influence and compare himself to his peers in order to find out where he stands in the world. He will stray more or less depending on how well connected he is to his parents. He will try in every which way to find out if he’s attractive to others. He will test those around him to see if what he thinks is sound, and he will use any bad faith subterfuge in doing so. At this stage, he may become introverted or extraverted, for at puberty very few humans can look at facts objectively, reacting mostly to what the peer group says and thinks about them.

To make matters worse, because we’ve been living in a world of leisure since early twentieth century, and since virtual reality has taken over our lives via the smartphone, we are not in an enviable position. Though, unlike thirst and hunger, libido is not essential to the teen’s survival, he will spend most of his waking hours thinking about it because the sexual urge being forced upon him promises exquisite pleasure, especially if he has already experienced an orgasm.

So, if the child knows that his ANS will unleash a serious attack on his body and that he will be forced to make babies, he has a fighting chance in dealing properly with this assault. He learned to cope with bodily functions when he was two, and how to eat properly when he was four, but now he must deal with the imposition of creating life. He will be hit with a bodily function that nobody feels comfortable with and that few feel free to talk about. Its doubly complicated because in forcing him to reproduce, his ANS forces him to find a partner as well. And since sticking one’s body parts in the orifices of another body is not something very esthetic, nor very flattering for the intelligent human’s self image, he will be faced with a serious dilemma. So, the parent has to help the child deal with his libido just as he did with toilet training.

The boy will soon feel the urgent need to stick his erect penis into any available target, but he should be told to absolutely refrain from penetrating a girl’s vagina, at least until he knows what it implies, emotionally, physically and socially. By this time, he should be aware that having and raising a child is one of the greatest experiences one can ever have. The sexual act is definitely not as banal as making a sandwich to feed his hunger, drinking a glass of milk to quench his thirst, or going to the toilet to alleviate his bowels or his bladder. He is forced to do all those things, but he must never forget that having sex is for making babies, first and foremost.

The part where the parent explains the mechanics of producing a baby need not be too worrying, for there are many good web sites that show how sperm is fabricated and how it is released into the female body where a female egg may be waiting to be fertilized. Learning how the baby grows and how it is born is also quite straightforward, thanks to the web. Learning how we can physically stop the sperm from reaching the female egg, or how the female can use the pill to chemically halt its progress in her body is also very well explained. The only thing the parent has to do is be available in order to guide the child and answer his questions.

The difficult part is explaining what follows the birth of a baby. The teen must be made to realize the enormous emotional investment that’s involved. Genetically, a parent, no matter how old, will genetically be disposed to sacrifice his or her life in order to protect his offspring. So how does a teen feel if he has to give it up for adoption or have the pregnancy terminated. How does a youth handle those life and death decisions? That is an awesome load to carry through life if one has to make such a decision. So, the teen should be told not to experiment, especially if he doesn’t use some solid means of contraception. If one is stupid enough to play with sex as he would a video game, the least he can do is avoid pregnancy and disease.

Parents should make a point of telling the youth that having sex without developing a relationship is not gratifying and certainly not conducive to feeling good about oneself. One has to respect the partner as a person, not just a sexual object. From the boy’s standpoint, having an orgasm is a no-brainer, so he would be wise to masturbate instead of forcing himself on some unwary partner. He may be motivated to relate his sexual conquests to others in order to be popular, but it can only do a lot of harm, to both the girl and the boy. Doing things to impress others is a catastrophic modus operandi. On the other hand, if he develops a real relationship with his partner, if the couple decides together to experiment, and if they take the necessary steps to avoid pregnancy, that can be constructive. Later, if they go their separate ways, they should be able to remember their relationship as a wonderful experience with a nice human being. If that can’t be guaranteed, they shouldn’t experiment in the first place.

There’s also a social factor that can have a colossal impact on a teen’s life, especially the girl. If a girl decides to take the pill and have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry, she’ll be quickly labelled a slut, or worse. That is not a way to start on a life journey. If both teens decide to have sex, they should both do so after establishing a genuine relationship, taking necessary contraceptive measures, and having, if at all possible, the tacit approval of the parents.

 

 

54-ANS

If we study group behavior among our chimpanzee cousins, and if we accept the fact we were exactly like them prior to our breaking the time barrier, we can learn a lot about ourselves. In the wild, alpha males dominate physically in a altruistic way. They play an important role in the survival of the specie by spreading the best available genes while protecting the females and their offspring. But it’s the wily alpha females who most often lead the group to food sources and water holes and teach the extended family members the necessary survival skills.

Since becoming intelligent some three million years ago, the female’s role has changed, but genetically, she hasn’t. She is as invaluable as she ever was to the specie, but it seems that the opinion she has of herself has seriously deteriorated, and we should want to remedy that. To my way of thinking, when explaining the injustices done to the female, the three main culprits have to do with our breaking the time barrier, with her reproduction lifespan, and the Christian Church’s perennial attitude towards her gender.

We have already seen in a previous posting how unkind nature was to women, how after breaking the time barrier and leaving the world of natural selection, the males dominated them more than ever. But before I attempt to show how her reproduction lifespan and Christianity dampened her aspirations for freedom and equality, I think it would be helpful to better understand our ANS.

All vertebrates have a reptilian brain sitting atop the spinal cord consisting mainly of the hypothalamus which links the endocrine and nervous systems. It’s where the autonomous nervous system (ANS) control center that regulates, without our conscious intervention, bodily functions such as heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, defecation, and sexual arousal is located. If we want to focus on our human values and eventually establish parity between the sexes, we have to become more familiar with that primitive brain that can only be synced up with our human brain if we intervene consciously.

When the dinosaurs disappeared some 65 million years ago, we were small burrowing mammals and we lived by our fight-or-flight and feed-or-breed instincts. Danger was everywhere, in our burrows and in the sky above, and the constant stress we experienced was such that we didn’t live much longer than rodents do today. However, as our brain developed, we learned to sort things out, and as our daily survival stress was reduced, we grew and lived longer. We acquired a limbic brain, then a cortex and neocortex grafted themselves onto the limbic brain, and as little as 3 million years ago, standing on our own two feet, we had the wherewithal to break the time barrier as explained in an earlier posting. Though we were no longer subjected to the forces of ‘natural selection’ and ‘survival of the fittest’, we still answered to those forces, and we still do to this day.

Upon becoming intelligent, we did, however, learn to live in sync with some aspects of our ANS. However, we never learned to deal efficiently with our sex drive. Having become aware of the exquisite and gratuitous pleasure that an orgasm procures, and with ever more time on our hands, when we became aroused sexually, we just didn’t try very hard to put on the brakes. Nonetheless, right up to the 20th century, we depended on the family for survival, and because we didn’t want to be shunned by it, we felt obliged to use some degree of self-discipline in controlling our sexual urges. But when demopotency took hold in the 20th century, fashion ads, social media, celebrity lifestyles and Hollywood films seriously encouraged us to adopt lascivious and superficial behaviors. We still followed the group, but the group had become virtual and individuals related to each other through their libido, and most often, virtually.

We can’t escape the fact that sex is forced upon us by our ANS, that it procures us intense pleasure and that we have no choice but to reproduce as a specie. It is all the more reason to be aware of this archaic breed-or-feed instinct that’s taking over our lives, and to establish education programs to help us channel it. Sex is a lot of fun and indispensable, but we have to put it in its proper place by using the brain we acquired as humans. Why do teachers, mothers and fathers have so much trouble explaining sex to children?

Ask any 10-year-old child what he or she thinks about dad sticking his penis into mom in order to make a baby, and he will quickly respond by saying that it’s gross. Perhaps that may be the reason untold generations have refused to talk openly about sex with children, but perhaps it’s simply because adults unwittingly want to cover up the fact that they think the act of penetrating another’s body is vulgar and demeaning. Sticking a penis or a tongue in the vagina, the anus or the mouth of another isn’t esthetic. Hollywood, the media, and even the Christian Church make it sound attractive or at least acceptable for their own purposes, and because we’re intelligent monkeys and don’t want to be labeled prudish, we adopt and even defend those view points. The end result is that though the ugliness of the act makes us uncomfortable, we act as though it’s cool. The only time we are totally in tune with our sex drive is when we’re sexually aroused, a time when we are forced to blindly answer nature’s call.

For the most part, horniness is brought on independently of our will, and when men are in that state, they may even go so far as to kill someone who stands in the way of their penetrating the targeted body and injecting their semen. And women also display despicable behaviors when in estrus and determined to get a man. So, how can we explain such behavior except to say that it’s our ANS that’s forcing us to reproduce. If we sometimes go completely out of control and adopt horrid behaviors in order to comply with that imposition, who’s to blame? Traditionally, the Cristian Church has tried to control sexual behavior by insisting on no sex before marriage, pretending sex is love, dressing it up socially, and using the condemning-confessing-repenting-forgiving solution, but those are all band-aid approaches. We would be much better off if we faced the problem head on in a scientific and objective manner through education. That way, we could deal with sex like we deal with food. A shared meal prepared with patience and with tasty natural ingredients is more rewarding than stuffing one’s face with a bag of chips on the run.

In spite of the sexual act being ugly, we have to admit that some courtship displays preceding it are breathtakingly beautiful. When we write love poems, slow dance, walk hand in hand, whisper sweet nothings to each other, hug and look at each other languorously, what could be more beautiful? And later, is it necessary to mention the boundless joy felt when a newborn comes into the world? But the middle game where one’s body penetrates or is penetrated by another is ugly, no matter what the fashion magazines or Hollywood tell us, show us, or imply regarding the matter. Observing someone penetrate the mouth, the anus or the vagina of another with his body parts is no prettier than observing the ejection of urine, excrement or vomit by these same orifices.

Nonetheless, excluding our sex drive, we did learn over time to deal with some of the ANS impositions that affect our daily lives. The use of knives and forks is today common, and we no longer act like pigs when we eat. And what about toilets and bathrooms that made urination and defecation banal a mere century ago? Nonetheless, we definitely haven’t learned to deal with fornication where a partner is indispensable. We willingly give in to it if we’re horny, drunk or drugged, that is, when we don’t have to think about it, but because we still refuse to face the issue in a rational manner, we continue to make a mess of it. For centuries, thanks in part to the sacrament of matrimony instituted by the Christian Church, we have amalgamated the words sex and love in order to deal with the grossness of the sexual act being forced upon us. And if we’re not sure of how we feel about the sexual act, all we have to do is picture the next-door neighbor copulating with his wife, and that should give us the answer.

52-THE PILL

 

Self empowerment is the greatest feeling one can experience. As a child, when I saw my uncle admiring his field of golden wheat swaying in the sun before bringing in the crop, I saw a fulfilled man. In winter, when, in the warm presence of his expanding family, he sat around the dinner table where the products of his farm were being served, he was a happy man. Those feelings have nothing to do with societal empowerment. Societal empowerment has turned out to be very detrimental to human development in that it supplanted self empowerment. The conundrum is that while societal empowerment should enhance self empowerment, it does just the opposite.

When the world of credit got rolling in early 20th century, women were the first victims of societal empowerment. Because they had always been subjected to male domination, they were understandably overwhelmed by the world of credit and the power it offered them. Unfortunately, not knowing what to do, they decided to get emancipated through the man. In order to get social status, it was deemed preferable to seduce a pseudo alpha male rather than look for a genuine life partner with whom to build and share a family life. Thus, the badge of femininity became the symbol of the sexual revolution that we’re still experiencing today, and it does not favor parity. What follows is an attempt at explaining the mess brought on by societal empowerment.

In early 20th century, people moved to the cities in tandem with the arrival of electricity, tap water, toilets and jobs. It was the beginning of tangible societal empowerment. In 1913, the bankers in the City created the US Federal Reserve Board, which made the dollar an international currency, and America, the biggest economy on earth. With this great market economy firmly in hand, the City could now proceed with its globalization agenda. It was time to bulldoze the Ancien Regime countries of the world, including those of the Holy Roman Empire in Europe, Tsarist Russia, the Ottoman Empire, Japan and China. Although the two World Wars that followed created havoc in the existing market economies, the result was mostly positive for the women in that they finally got good paying jobs. After WWII, because America was now considered the Eldorado of the world, everybody wanted to go there in order to create wealth, and a lot was created in a very short period of time.

People experienced greater comforts and long-term prospects looked good. However, as societal empowerment took root, it was the males who got the diplomas, the managerial responsibilities, and the investing and inventing opportunities. Males were cast in the ‘father knows best’ role, and that didn’t augur well for the females. Although some women got good paying jobs, most were of the office secretarial staff and factory production line variety. The parents wanted their sons to have a good education, get a good job, make good money, and marry a good woman, while for the daughters, it sufficed to get a good man, a ‘somebody’. The world continued to be very macho because women geared their ambitions to that of their men.

However, in 1920, after the passing of the 19th amendment, women got the right to vote, own property, and manage their bank account without their husband’s permission. After WWII, there was a move to the suburbs and the good life, and that’s when the real trouble started. It was the beginning of a world of comfort, leisure and plenty, a world for which our specie is absolutely not genetically programmed. The desperate housewife was being born.

However, women had to wait for the 1960’s and the advent of the pill in order to be emancipated, at least sexually. That’s when they were freed to some extent from male sexual domination and abuse. For the first time in 3 million years they could claim that they were in charge of their own body, and free to decide whether to have children or not. But though the females did gain some sexual freedom, social parity remained very much out of reach.

Genetically, women are programmed to get the best male with the best genes, as dictated by natural selection. But when we became intelligent and left the world of natural selection some three million years ago, though our genetic make-up remained unchanged, the relationship between males and females took an abrupt turn for the worse. Women lost their privileged status in that they stopped getting the services of the best genitor available, the alpha male. Not only did more lower ranking males get at the females, but they became selective as well. When the pill came along, women unwittingly attempted to go back to the good old natural selection days where they were the ones who more or less chose and got the best genitor. But unfortunately, in trying to reclaim their social role of old, they decided to do so by being seductive. They didn’t know at the time that fighting for emancipation by attracting pseudo alpha males with their badge of femininity would not only be a missed opportunity, but a disastrous social experiment. They didn’t know that the altruistic alpha male of pre-sapiens times no longer existed.

The male entrepreneurs were quick to exploit that sexual aberration by taking charge of the fashion world. The badge of femininity, as a symbol of independence and success, was adopted with a vengeance when technicolor first hit the big screen in 1936 and especially the small screen in 1966. In the process, women naturally morphed into Barbies, and it made many heterosexual and homosexual males of the fashion and cosmetic world very rich. By wearing her mask, the female couldn’t hope to find a partner who was her equal and a job worthy of her potential, and she was an easy prey for any pseudo alpha male who came along. Establishing a meaningful equal relationship became almost an impossibility. The female certainly wasn’t aware that wearing the badge in order to get a man was not only ugly and vulgar, but counterproductive as well. To be fair, the pill had hit the market like a tsunami, and overwhelmed, women had responded instinctively by looking for an alpha male like they had always had in the world of natural selection millions of years before. Unfortunately, they weren’t aware that the alpha male of old had volatized along with the world of natural selection and had been replaced by self-interested and self-centered imitations.

It now seems obvious that if women are to achieve social equality and parity, they must discard the badge of femininity as an absolute prerequisite. They not only have to fight tooth and nail for equal education and equal jobs for equal pay, but they have to focus on getting free universal child care, parental leave, and having access to pro-choice clinics. Women would be well advised to stop making their quest for alpha males a top priority, for altruistic alpha males are long gone. The alpha male of old was objective in his role, and was concerned with the welfare of the group, whereas today, the perceived alpha male is mainly self-interested. The female should look for an ordinary loving man like her in order to share the joys of family life on an equal footing instead of looking for a pseudo-alpha dominating male, be he an Adonis.

But in our world of leisure, it’s hard to find a partner with whom we can establish a lifelong relationship based on trust, honesty, and respect. And if equality and parity are to be achieved, women have to stop using sexuality as a tool, and throw their badge of femininity in the trash can. If one feels the need to prove that he or she is a man or a woman, something has to be terribly flawed in that person. Marlboro Man, the macho man par excellence, was dethroned years back, surely Barbie, the bimbo, can be as well.