62-THE BUDDING LIBIDO

 

We are 100% animal of the ape family, but we are unique animals in that we are intelligent, which means we can connect the past, the present and the future. The more we can do that the more intelligent we are. However, on the happiness scale, intelligence is only an asset if we use it to be nurturing or creative.

When we became intelligent, we left the world of natural selection, and therein lies a major human problem. We kept on living according to the laws of natural selection that encourage us to adopt a ‘survival of the fittest’ attitude, instead of striving to establish an enduring, loving and connected family, and identifying what we really love to do and doing it for a living. We always want more of everything. We want to be or give the impression that we are smarter, richer and stronger, and we seek better diplomas, more money, a bigger house, a more expensive car and many other ‘mores’. We are absolutely blind to the fact that we live in the best of all possible worlds, a world of credit that gives us every opportunity to be happy. It’s not that the ‘mores’ are bad in themselves, it’s just that we choose them to the detriment of happiness. Creating a family that endures one’s lifespan and doing what we love doing for a living are the things that make us happy, yet, we opt for the ‘mores’. Being nurturing and creative definitely takes second place. Putting it another way, we’re more concerned about impressing others than doing things that make us happy.

I discovered that the great world of credit was created by the greatest man that ever lived, and if my findings are sound, and they are, we should want to take advantage of that world. Accepting the fact that we are apes that left the world of natural selection some three million years ago, thrashing the laws of survival of the fittest that make us always want more, and learning how to be nurturing and creative, would be a good way to do just that.

We have all the bad traits of apes, because that’s what we are. It could even be said that we display more despicable behaviors than our wild cousins because we’re more resourceful, more intelligent. We may have learned to deal with hunger, thirst, urination and defecation, but not our libido, and if we helped our children understand and manage their emerging libido, it could have a huge positive effect on the life path they choose.

We are psychologically constructed in two stages. The foundation is laid when we are taught to be intimate as a newborn. That’s when the lucky ones learn that they’re somebody and feel good about themselves. The second stage occurs when the child’s libido awakens. The first thoughts, dreams and impressions are innocent enough, but when his libido takes hold and causes physical changes to his body, he is thrown in total disarray. That’s when the child tends to stray from his parents’ influence and compare himself to his peers in order to find out where he stands in the world. He will stray more or less depending on how well connected he is to his parents. He will try in every which way to find out if he’s attractive to others. He will test those around him to see if what he thinks is sound, and he will use any bad faith subterfuge in doing so. At this stage, he may become introverted or extraverted, for at puberty very few humans can look at facts objectively, reacting mostly to what the peer group says and thinks about them.

To make matters worse, because we’ve been living in a world of leisure since early twentieth century, and since virtual reality has taken over our lives via the smartphone, we are not in an enviable position. Though, unlike thirst and hunger, libido is not essential to the teen’s survival, he will spend most of his waking hours thinking about it because the sexual urge being forced upon him promises exquisite pleasure, especially if he has already experienced an orgasm.

So, if the child knows that his ANS will unleash a serious attack on his body and that he will be forced to make babies, he has a fighting chance in dealing properly with this assault. He learned to cope with bodily functions when he was two, and how to eat properly when he was four, but now he must deal with the imposition of creating life. He will be hit with a bodily function that nobody feels comfortable with and that few feel free to talk about. Its doubly complicated because in forcing him to reproduce, his ANS forces him to find a partner as well. And since sticking one’s body parts in the orifices of another body is not something very esthetic, nor very flattering for the intelligent human’s self image, he will be faced with a serious dilemma. So, the parent has to help the child deal with his libido just as he did with toilet training.

The boy will soon feel the urgent need to stick his erect penis into any available target, but he should be told to absolutely refrain from penetrating a girl’s vagina, at least until he knows what it implies, emotionally, physically and socially. By this time, he should be aware that having and raising a child is one of the greatest experiences one can ever have. The sexual act is definitely not as banal as making a sandwich to feed his hunger, drinking a glass of milk to quench his thirst, or going to the toilet to alleviate his bowels or his bladder. He is forced to do all those things, but he must never forget that having sex is for making babies, first and foremost.

The part where the parent explains the mechanics of producing a baby need not be too worrying, for there are many good web sites that show how sperm is fabricated and how it is released into the female body where a female egg may be waiting to be fertilized. Learning how the baby grows and how it is born is also quite straightforward, thanks to the web. Learning how we can physically stop the sperm from reaching the female egg, or how the female can use the pill to chemically halt its progress in her body is also very well explained. The only thing the parent has to do is be available in order to guide the child and answer his questions.

The difficult part is explaining what follows the birth of a baby. The teen must be made to realize the enormous emotional investment that’s involved. Genetically, a parent, no matter how old, will genetically be disposed to sacrifice his or her life in order to protect his offspring. So how does a teen feel if he has to give it up for adoption or have the pregnancy terminated. How does a youth handle those life and death decisions? That is an awesome load to carry through life if one has to make such a decision. So, the teen should be told not to experiment, especially if he doesn’t use some solid means of contraception. If one is stupid enough to play with sex as he would a video game, the least he can do is avoid pregnancy and disease.

Parents should make a point of telling the youth that having sex without developing a relationship is not gratifying and certainly not conducive to feeling good about oneself. One has to respect the partner as a person, not just a sexual object. From the boy’s standpoint, having an orgasm is a no-brainer, so he would be wise to masturbate instead of forcing himself on some unwary partner. He may be motivated to relate his sexual conquests to others in order to be popular, but it can only do a lot of harm, to both the girl and the boy. Doing things to impress others is a catastrophic modus operandi. On the other hand, if he develops a real relationship with his partner, if the couple decides together to experiment, and if they take the necessary steps to avoid pregnancy, that can be constructive. Later, if they go their separate ways, they should be able to remember their relationship as a wonderful experience with a nice human being. If that can’t be guaranteed, they shouldn’t experiment in the first place.

There’s also a social factor that can have a colossal impact on a teen’s life, especially the girl. If a girl decides to take the pill and have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry, she’ll be quickly labelled a slut, or worse. That is not a way to start on a life journey. If both teens decide to have sex, they should both do so after establishing a genuine relationship, taking necessary contraceptive measures, and having, if at all possible, the tacit approval of the parents.

 

 

54-ANS

If we study group behavior among our chimpanzee cousins, and if we accept the fact we were exactly like them prior to our breaking the time barrier, we can learn a lot about ourselves. In the wild, alpha males dominate physically in a altruistic way. They play an important role in the survival of the specie by spreading the best available genes while protecting the females and their offspring. But it’s the wily alpha females who most often lead the group to food sources and water holes and teach the extended family members the necessary survival skills.

Since becoming intelligent some three million years ago, the female’s role has changed, but genetically, she hasn’t. She is as invaluable as she ever was to the specie, but it seems that the opinion she has of herself has seriously deteriorated, and we should want to remedy that. To my way of thinking, when explaining the injustices done to the female, the three main culprits have to do with our breaking the time barrier, with her reproduction lifespan, and the Christian Church’s perennial attitude towards her gender.

We have already seen in a previous posting how unkind nature was to women, how after breaking the time barrier and leaving the world of natural selection, the males dominated them more than ever. But before I attempt to show how her reproduction lifespan and Christianity dampened her aspirations for freedom and equality, I think it would be helpful to better understand our ANS.

All vertebrates have a reptilian brain sitting atop the spinal cord consisting mainly of the hypothalamus which links the endocrine and nervous systems. It’s where the autonomous nervous system (ANS) control center that regulates, without our conscious intervention, bodily functions such as heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, defecation, and sexual arousal is located. If we want to focus on our human values and eventually establish parity between the sexes, we have to become more familiar with that primitive brain that can only be synced up with our human brain if we intervene consciously.

When the dinosaurs disappeared some 65 million years ago, we were small burrowing mammals and we lived by our fight-or-flight and feed-or-breed instincts. Danger was everywhere, in our burrows and in the sky above, and the constant stress we experienced was such that we didn’t live much longer than rodents do today. However, as our brain developed, we learned to sort things out, and as our daily survival stress was reduced, we grew and lived longer. We acquired a limbic brain, then a cortex and neocortex grafted themselves onto the limbic brain, and as little as 3 million years ago, standing on our own two feet, we had the wherewithal to break the time barrier as explained in an earlier posting. Though we were no longer subjected to the forces of ‘natural selection’ and ‘survival of the fittest’, we still answered to those forces, and we still do to this day.

Upon becoming intelligent, we did, however, learn to live in sync with some aspects of our ANS. However, we never learned to deal efficiently with our sex drive. Having become aware of the exquisite and gratuitous pleasure that an orgasm procures, and with ever more time on our hands, when we became aroused sexually, we just didn’t try very hard to put on the brakes. Nonetheless, right up to the 20th century, we depended on the family for survival, and because we didn’t want to be shunned by it, we felt obliged to use some degree of self-discipline in controlling our sexual urges. But when demopotency took hold in the 20th century, fashion ads, social media, celebrity lifestyles and Hollywood films seriously encouraged us to adopt lascivious and superficial behaviors. We still followed the group, but the group had become virtual and individuals related to each other through their libido, and most often, virtually.

We can’t escape the fact that sex is forced upon us by our ANS, that it procures us intense pleasure and that we have no choice but to reproduce as a specie. It is all the more reason to be aware of this archaic breed-or-feed instinct that’s taking over our lives, and to establish education programs to help us channel it. Sex is a lot of fun and indispensable, but we have to put it in its proper place by using the brain we acquired as humans. Why do teachers, mothers and fathers have so much trouble explaining sex to children?

Ask any 10-year-old child what he or she thinks about dad sticking his penis into mom in order to make a baby, and he will quickly respond by saying that it’s gross. Perhaps that may be the reason untold generations have refused to talk openly about sex with children, but perhaps it’s simply because adults unwittingly want to cover up the fact that they think the act of penetrating another’s body is vulgar and demeaning. Sticking a penis or a tongue in the vagina, the anus or the mouth of another isn’t esthetic. Hollywood, the media, and even the Christian Church make it sound attractive or at least acceptable for their own purposes, and because we’re intelligent monkeys and don’t want to be labeled prudish, we adopt and even defend those view points. The end result is that though the ugliness of the act makes us uncomfortable, we act as though it’s cool. The only time we are totally in tune with our sex drive is when we’re sexually aroused, a time when we are forced to blindly answer nature’s call.

For the most part, horniness is brought on independently of our will, and when men are in that state, they may even go so far as to kill someone who stands in the way of their penetrating the targeted body and injecting their semen. And women also display despicable behaviors when in estrus and determined to get a man. So, how can we explain such behavior except to say that it’s our ANS that’s forcing us to reproduce. If we sometimes go completely out of control and adopt horrid behaviors in order to comply with that imposition, who’s to blame? Traditionally, the Cristian Church has tried to control sexual behavior by insisting on no sex before marriage, pretending sex is love, dressing it up socially, and using the condemning-confessing-repenting-forgiving solution, but those are all band-aid approaches. We would be much better off if we faced the problem head on in a scientific and objective manner through education. That way, we could deal with sex like we deal with food. A shared meal prepared with patience and with tasty natural ingredients is more rewarding than stuffing one’s face with a bag of chips on the run.

In spite of the sexual act being ugly, we have to admit that some courtship displays preceding it are breathtakingly beautiful. When we write love poems, slow dance, walk hand in hand, whisper sweet nothings to each other, hug and look at each other languorously, what could be more beautiful? And later, is it necessary to mention the boundless joy felt when a newborn comes into the world? But the middle game where one’s body penetrates or is penetrated by another is ugly, no matter what the fashion magazines or Hollywood tell us, show us, or imply regarding the matter. Observing someone penetrate the mouth, the anus or the vagina of another with his body parts is no prettier than observing the ejection of urine, excrement or vomit by these same orifices.

Nonetheless, excluding our sex drive, we did learn over time to deal with some of the ANS impositions that affect our daily lives. The use of knives and forks is today common, and we no longer act like pigs when we eat. And what about toilets and bathrooms that made urination and defecation banal a mere century ago? Nonetheless, we definitely haven’t learned to deal with fornication where a partner is indispensable. We willingly give in to it if we’re horny, drunk or drugged, that is, when we don’t have to think about it, but because we still refuse to face the issue in a rational manner, we continue to make a mess of it. For centuries, thanks in part to the sacrament of matrimony instituted by the Christian Church, we have amalgamated the words sex and love in order to deal with the grossness of the sexual act being forced upon us. And if we’re not sure of how we feel about the sexual act, all we have to do is picture the next-door neighbor copulating with his wife, and that should give us the answer.