59-THE IDEAL COUPLE

With regards to the hypothetical couple that I’ve chosen, both partners are eighteen years of age and heterosexual. They have been having regular sex for two years with both their parents’ approval, and they are both intent on avoiding disease and pregnancy. She has an LARC arm implant, and they can’t get enough of each other, so for now, fidelity and pregnancy are not a problem. They both agree to be answerable to all four parents who support them unconditionally, and this fosters mutual affection and trust.

They share thoughts and feelings concerning their parents, siblings, teachers, friends and pets, and talk about everything under the sun. They are aware they are living in the best of all possible worlds. They know they are 100% animals of the ape family and that their branch became intelligent some three million years ago. As intelligent animals, they realize they have the possibility of exercising some control over their autonomic nervous system. By curbing the disruptive forces of their ANS, mainly with regards to reproduction, they realize they can look forward to a lifelong relationship in a happy family context.

They are aware that all beings are beautiful and fulfilled when in a nurturing or creative mode, and that’s why they both want to form a lifelong family team and do what they love doing for a living. They have just finished high school, but do not plan to go to college until they are absolutely sure of what they want to do for a living. For now, he wants to become an architect. He has been working summers for a local building contractor and the latter has agreed to employ him full time. His passion is to conceive and eventually build self-sustaining buildings. She is very interested in animals and wants to be a veterinarian. After working summers at a local zoo, she has been offered an assistant’s position fulltime. Her passion is living with plants and animals and learning how to take care of them. They have rented a modest house on the outskirts of the city in order to have the full experience of living together. They want the responsibilities of looking after a house, having a garden and pets, and doing daily chores. His father gave them his car when he upgraded to a hybrid, and that takes care of transportation. They are committed to living together three years and will not marry or have kids till the end of that period, if they so decide. If one of them changes his or her mind during the trial period, they will go their separate ways, no matter how painful. All four parents are partners to this agreement and will support them in any way they can.

As they go about working in the real world as apprentices, they will pay for their own living expenses. As for college tuition, their parents have already planned ahead by creating a fund for that very purpose. In the meantime, they will glean all the knowledge they possibly can from their coworkers and sign up for all pertinent online university courses while waiting to physically register at a university in order to terminate their degrees and pursue their life’s passion.

They are active teens who jog and swim on a regular basis and have no intention of stopping. They each have a smartphone but use them strictly for meaningful communication. Like her mother, she refuses to wear the badge of femininity, no matter how great the social pressures. But of course, she doesn’t intend giving up on bizarre hairdos, fun clothing, and junky jewellery. They intend to cut the cable and stick to reading, watching movies and making and listening to music. Inviting friends over for simple home prepared meals made with natural ingredients will be a lot of fun. His father already makes his own wine, and he plans to team up with him, for making wine with his dad will be a nice way for them to bond. Enjoying the odd glass of wine with his wife-to-be and friends over home-cooked meals will also make for heart-warming experiences.

Accumulating wealth will never be their main objective. However, because they live in a world where it’s rather easy to make money, it’s not to be dismissed out of hand. Real estate values tend to rise, so owning one’s own home is a starting point. As for making real money, the couple will sit down and decide which multinational they want working for them. They’ll choose one that makes things they personally believe in and that are indispensable to the human race, like food, transport, communication, biotechnology and energy. Once they’re convinced they have the right company, they’ll buy shares in it every time they have spare money. Buying shares via the internet is a rather cheap and easy way to go about doing just that. Once the shares are bought, they’ll forget about them. They’ll never play the market. Their capital will grow as the world markets grow, and by adding to their capital little by little, down the road, they’ll have more than enough for their children’s education and their own retirement. If they adopt a healthy lifestyle, are passionate about their work, own their own home, and invest their extra cash in their chosen multinationals, they’ll have done away with most material obstacles that usually prove disastrous to young married couples, and thus be free to have and raise children. However, the greatest destructive force that they’ll have to face in their relationship is still lurking in the wings.

This young couple has seriously reflected on the problem where males are genetically programmed to reproduce well into old age while females cease to reproduce at menopause. They know that when she reaches menopause, he will no longer be sexually aroused by her. Since his ANS will continue to incite him to reproduce, and since he will be looking at younger women, they must get ready to counter this eventual pitfall. When a couple reaches that stage, it’s what I call hitting the WALL.

Fortunately, they know that human means intelligent, and that they have some say in complying with their ANS. For instance, if one is hungry, one can have an apple or a processed meat sandwich, and if one is thirsty, one can have a glass of water or a can of pop laced with sugar. The individual has no choice but to quench his thirst or satiate his hunger, but because he’s intelligent, he can choose how to do it, and with what. In a similar manner, they can control their libido to some degree, and that’s the secret to countering the potential destructive forces of the ANS.

They know they are animals that became intelligent when hominids broke the time barrier some three million years ago. They know that being intelligent means they can connect past experiences with the present and use that knowledge to make a better future. They know that sex is not love. Sex is forced upon them by their ANS in order to reproduce, whereas love is the result of intimacy and sharing. All beings are forced to have sex, regardless of specie, therefore, when the couple’s sex life is on the wane and his ANS incites him to look at younger women, they’ll both know what’s happening and he will categorically refuse to take Viagra or give in to his ANS. They are fortunate to be intimate with each other, both intellectually and physically, so when they hit the WALL, having always refused to let their libido define them as humans, she may even be able to poke fun at him when he starts looking sideways at younger women.

Their love will grow as their family grows, and not much self-control will be needed to resist having sex with a stranger. Why would he knowingly risk losing the warmth and joy that a loving family provides and that took years to build, for the pleasure of having sashimi served by a young geisha? One thing is certain, as their mutual affection grows, and as they go gaga over their grandchildren, they’ll both know that destroying their family life for a furtive romp in the sack with another is totally insane. Love will win over sex, especially if they are fully aware of the pressures that the ANS is putting on them, and they are.

If they’re really lucky, they’ll discover that one of the most beautiful things in the world, is growing old gracefully. An older woman sitting at her computer writing her book, nursing an animal back to health in her veterinarian clinic, or giving TLC to the plants in her garden, are beautiful sights to behold. And what about an older man teaching his grandson how to build a tree house, or his granddaughter how to play violin! What’s so bad about growing old? Does the woman have to become a wrinkled Barbie, or the man a ridiculous Casanova?

 

 

58-THE ART OF INTIMACY

 

Meaningful rewarding relationships, whether sex is involved or not, are impossible unless one learns to be intimate. I choose to replace the word love with intimacy because love is used in all sorts of concoctions, like in ‘making love’, a totally absurd expression. Though sexual attraction can morph into love over time, sex is not love. Sex lasts an instant, sexual attraction can last a few years, but love like the one felt for a parent lasts a lifetime.

Intimacy is the cornerstone of our happiness, for if we don’t learn how to be intimate as a child, we are condemned to having lame relationships throughout our whole life. Intimacy requires the ability to open and commit, that is, to trust to the point of being vulnerable, and that’s not the easiest thing to do. It requires suspending control, while merging emotionally. We have an innate need to experience physical and emotional closeness with another human being in order to grow emotionally, and that need for connection is with us from the day we’re born. If we are to have a chance at a fulfilling life, we have to be taught to connect at that time.

Historically, tribes were a critical part of our human experience, for we needed the group in order to survive. If one was banished from his tribe that was as good as a death sentence. In the global village, that is no longer the case, but if a child does not experience intimacy, it’s akin to being banished from the whole world, for establishing meaningful future relationships will be impossible. From day one, the child must be treated as a full member of the family team, he must be shown intimacy, valorized and supported on an ongoing basis, or else he will spend his whole life unconnected in a great but sad virtual world. The secret to a good life is to belong to a family where children are intimately connected to parents and siblings, which in turn allows the child to later repeat the process when he starts his own family.

The following is a summary of what the American Psychological Association says on how parents can connect with their children. ‘Parents must be available for their children at bedtime, before dinner, and in the car, in order to let them know they care about what’s happening in their lives. Conversations should be started when they feel the need to share thoughts and feelings that affect both parties. Parents have to make sure they let their kids know they’re listening by stopping whatever they’re doing. They should respect their privacy by treating matters one on one. They should express interest in what the child is saying without being intrusive. Letting them complete their point before responding and repeating to make sure they know that the parent understands them correctly is highly recommended. Parents should soften strong reactions; kids will tune them out if they appear angry or defensive. Parents should express their opinion without putting down theirs, while acknowledging that it’s okay to disagree. Letting them know that nobody is necessarily right or wrong, that circumstances have to be weighed in, while focusing on the child’s feelings is a wise modus operandi.

Parents should ask their children what they may want or need from them in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings or help solving a problem. Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow the parents’ lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems and work through difficult feelings. Because kids also learn from their own choices, parents shouldn’t feel they have to step in as long as the consequences are not dangerous. Realizing their children may test them by telling them only a small part of what is bothering them, parents can encourage them to talk and may even get them to share the rest of the story if they listen carefully to what they say.

Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between parents and children. To the small child, a mother’s or father’s words are important, comforting, and soothing. Parents should use this to their advantage, for communicating thoughts and ideas is not a skill they or their children are born with. If parents create a trusting intimate relationship from the day their child is born, it’ll naturally carry on into the very difficult teen years and beyond.’

If a child is to have the best quality of life in the best of all possible worlds, he or she has to be familiar with intimacy. As for the parents who have never been connected, the cycle can be broken and their kids spared if they know why they have difficulty being intimate and if they try to make up for their inadequacy by talking to their child. Being completely frank and open with a child and making him reveal his inner thoughts by creating a safe, protective mood so that he doesn’t fear being punished or reprimanded is a good way to proceed.

Because too many of us have never known intimacy, the 100-year-old sexual revolution that we’re undergoing is a social disaster. Since I am an enlightened victim of that revolution, I intend to shed light on how important it is to make a child and even more important to learn to communicate with him. It is extremely hard to use words one has never learned, especially those regarding feelings. But one can have a semblance of intimacy with his child if one takes time to have an honest tête-à-tête with him when circumstances warrant it, or for no reason at all, while making the child feel he’s an important and full-fledged member of the family.

So far, in previous postings, although not exhaustive in nature, I have given what I think is a plausible account of how we got to this wonderful world of credit. That was the easy part. Now, I have to show to those who accept my synopsis of history, ways to take advantage of that great world. With that in mind, I decided to depict the life of two imaginary horny teens who both have been taught intimacy by their parents, and who are both intent on finding the key to having a family that’ll defy the test of time. By showing how they go about planning for a permanent family dream team, and especially how they intend to deal with the sexual minefield that lies before them, it should create a mood for fruitful reflection.

57-EMANCIPATION OF WOMEN

 

3mya, when hominids became intelligent, it meant they had the ability to connect past experiences with future actions. Naturally, they were no longer subjected to the laws of natural selection. So, after many millennia of sexual frustration, the lower order males were now able to devise ways to outsmart the alpha male in order to access the females and fornicate. Realizing that they could experience sexual pleasure without waiting for the females to be in estrus, the males started forcing themselves on the physically weaker gender at will. In time, the genetic pool deteriorated, and it proved to be a double catastrophe for the females, for the males now started to be selective as well.

The males, however, shouldn’t be blamed for this turn of events. Intelligence allowed them to follow the path of least resistance in order to give free expression to their sexual drive, and they simply took it. Like water and electricity, and other forces in the universe, humans are wired to take the path of least resistance. But in order for intelligent individuals to live in a group, there has to be rules and controls. In the natural selection environment of old, the male alpha used muscle in order to establish order, spread the best genes and ensure the survival of the group, but when hominids left that world, those controls disappeared, and humans had to devise new ones. Around 5kya, they did just that by creating writing, reading, and religion.

Nonetheless, women kept being treated like inferior beings. They were used as field hands and baby machines, and they were sold and bought in sophisticated ways by means of a dowry or a bride price. If the fathers wanted to get rid of extra daughters, they paid a dowry, if a family wanted to achieve a higher social rank by associating with a higher-ranking family through marriage, it paid a bride price. Women had no say, they could be marketed at any age, and all that mattered was that they be a virgin. Of course, making sure the young girls remained virgins meant they were even more mistreated by their fathers and even their brothers. On the other hand, if women learned to read and write, they were perceived as a threat to males, and the macho society would accuse them of witchcraft, burn them at the stake, or send them to rot in convents or some such place.

It was only in 1600CE, when the world of credit took root in Amsterdam, that women began entertaining the possibility of emancipation. When the Sephardim and the Huguenots created the East India Company in Amsterdam, in 1602, they ruled the oceans of the world and slowly wrenched world financial power away from the Holy Roman Empire, the Christian Church, in the process. In 1688, they moved their headquarters to the City in London, and created the first democracy. Women did not yet vote and weren’t allowed to own property, but they started earning money in their homes. When Mayer created his bank, the Bank of North America in 1781, it was another major step forward for women. But the real change occurred when Mayer’s son, Nathan, took control of the Bank of England in 1810. It marked the beginning of international banking, and as more credit was made available to the masses, women started working for wages, and were thus gradually emancipated in a real sense. Nonetheless, women had to wait until 1920 in order to get the right to vote, but when they did, it was a point of no return. Once the macho world was undermined, it was only a question of time before women could claim social equality. And when the pill was marketed in the 60’s, it put them on the road to full emancipation.

But the post-war years, as far as female emancipation is concerned, was also a time when the proverbial dung hit the fan, for that’s when women opted to wear the badge of femininity instead of insisting on equality. They chose the worst remedy of all by concentrating their efforts on getting themselves an alpha male by means of seduction in order to advance their social position. But who can blame them for using that approach? After going through 3my of mistreatment, and especially 2ky of macho Christian doctrine, they were totally brainwashed into thinking they were inferior to men. So, they figured if they seduced and snagged an alpha male like they were genetically programmed to have, they could achieve emancipation through him. Unfortunately, they didn’t realize that the alpha male of the natural selection era no longer existed. They didn’t know that the men prancing around looking like male alphas were mainly interested in advancing their own agenda. And the fact that Hollywood was endorsing sexual relationships with virtual alphas as the ultimate form of social success, and the fact that sex was on everybody’s mind, was not meant to help. Understandably, it was only natural for the pseudo alpha males to have sex as often as they could with the want-to-be bimbos by telling them how wonderful and needed they were, and the females believed them.

Though it was natural for the women to adopt the badge of femininity in wanting to look like the Hollywood stars and get themselves an alpha, they soon realized they weren’t getting the desired results and wondered why. That’s when they discovered that aging was an even bigger problem. They deduced that males stopped wanting to have sex with them when they reached menopause. But why didn’t men like mature partners like women did? They simply didn’t know that males are genetically polygamous and programmed to reproduce well past middle age, and that if the female is no longer able to reproduce, the male’s ANS no longer incites him to have sex with her. After suffering mistreatment at the hands of males for 3my, and being subjected to Christian macho doctrine for 2ky, now that she was emancipated, she was being hit with a third bolt of lightning, the genetic quirks of the male’s ANS.

How are women expected to deal with this genetic injustice? That is the question. If women completely discarded the badge of femininity, men and women, the women leading the way, would be more inclined to have genuine relationships based on trust, honesty and respect, instead of sex. But because we left the world of natural selection, because we live in a world of plenty, because we give free rein to our sex drive instead of curbing it, because we measure our self worth against our libido, because we fornicate mainly for pleasure, because men are genetically polygamous and live by the rules of monogamy, our specie has become unnatural and stressed.

We have to get back to some form of equilibrium, and perhaps the only way to do that is to understand our ANS as explained in an earlier posting. If we choose to be monogamous and have a family, it must be for life. We don’t have to get married, for we have the wherewithal to have sex while avoiding pregnancy and disease, but if we do, it should be for the duration and for the purpose of raising a family. Loving and nurturing one’s children, and later, one’s grand-children, is the greatest human experience of all, but we have to make it happen, it’s not free. Forever wanting more, bigger and better stuff in order to feel important, and changing pseudo life partners on a whim is not the way to go. If we choose to be bonded with another, the strength gained in sharing makes us feel secure, gives us confidence and encourages us to do what we love to do. And as we age, the love and satisfaction generated within the family largely compensates for the effort required to keep our sexual drive under control. Sex is not love. Sex is a violent temporary action imposed on us by our ANS while love is the art of being intimate and sharing the joys of raising a family over a whole lifetime.

56-SEX & CHRISTIANITY

As the social groups developed, the wilier males as well as the pseudo-alphas who were by now more of the bully persuasion, exploited the weaker members of the group, which included men, women and children. Some became warlords, and had their serfs form warring parties in order to grab land, women and anything else of value for the lord’s good pleasure. The men fought and hunted for the master while the women and children were used as field hands. The women were treated like cattle. As long as the prettier ones gave him sexual pleasure, for the lord had to the right to deflower whom he pleased, and as long as they were healthy and strong enough to work his fields and make healthy babies, they were kept and fed.

Thankfully, as the lords increased in power and number, some of their male offspring had more idle time, more time to think. This led to the development of reading and writing, which became a source of perceived mystic power. Forever wanting greater power by having a greater number of subjects, they decided to organize their serfs in a more efficient and orderly fashion. This led to the creation of religions, for those who possessed the written word were thought to be in contact with a higher being. Instilling fear in humans by saying that a god or gods would judge them after death and send the docile ones to heaven and the unruly ones to hell, was such a successful tactic that it is still in use today. First came Judaism 4kya, followed by Hinduism 3kya, Christianity in 325CE, and Islam in 610CE.

With regards to the Christian Church, the Founding Fathers decided that their religion, the Roman state religion, would apply to all. So, they proceeded to force everyone in the Western Roman Empire to accept the Nicene Creed. They decreed that the new Apollonius, the one they now called Christ, was the Son of God and not a prophet like the Essenes had always believed. In the process, the Christian Church perpetrated one of the worst blood baths in history as millions of ex-Essenes, referred to as barbarians in our history books, not being inclined to accept this new doctrine, were forced to do so under the threat of death.

However, the learned scholars of the Roman church had a lot of imagination when they started plagiarizing existing myths in order to create the New Testament. They were intent on writing a plausible story concerning Apollonius, the acknowledged prophet upon which the new religion was based, while making a few nips and tucks in order to make him acceptable to the Romans. The new Apollonius, now called Christ, just couldn’t be a teetotalling vegetarian. Meat and wine had to be added to his diet, and appropriate miracles, like the Wedding at Cana and the Multiplication of the Loaves and the Fish, were incorporated into the New Testament to give credence to his divinity. And as the Christian Church built infrastructure throughout the Roman Empire, which included monasteries, convents and churches, the poor felt protected and connected for the first time in their history and were quite willing to accept the new gurus. After all, the new Christ was only an improved version of Apollonius, the one they had always revered.

The next step was to anoint Absolute Kings of Divine Right to rule over the different parts of what is today Europe, starting with Clovis in 481CE. Then the Church Fathers, in their effort to create a peaceful and orderly society, promoted monogamy as a reproductive solution. Although it was a needed development and improved the female condition, it was also limiting, in that married women now had to officially submit to their husband in every way.

Much later, when the Christian Church became the unofficial Church in the Americas, and later still, when the USA developed into a world power in the 20th century, Christian doctrine spread far and wide. The archaic views of the Christian Church, Catholic or Protestant, on matrimony and reproduction were so successful that they are used as a template to this day. The Church Fathers meant well when they made monogamy and matrimony the social standards, but unfortunately, in the process, it institutionalized male domination over the female.

The Church had a hard time dealing with sexuality, and the Adam and Eve story shows it was very macho from the very beginning. As the story goes, Eve was borne from Adam’s rib, and it was Eve who made Adam fall from grace. In the Garden of Eden, God had forbidden the couple from eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge. But Eve was taunted by a serpent to take a bite of the fruit, and after doing so, gave a bite to Adam, and the couple was banned from paradise. Another way of interpreting this myth is to say that, as first man and woman, they were meant to procreate, but when they started doing just that, they were banned from paradise. Not very shrewd on the part of a master creator! However, the trick was then to have everybody believe that God changed his mind and sent his son down on earth to die on the cross in order to redeem humans from their ‘original sin’, or the ‘reproduction curse’ that was sending hominids straight to hell. Thereafter, if one wanted to go to Eden after death, all he had to do was get baptised in order to be relieved from the ‘original sin’, the ‘existential sin’, or the ‘sin of the flesh’, depending on one’s interpretation.

Because the Church Fathers were very uncomfortable dealing with sex, they devised new myths. For instance, the mother of the Son of God would now be a virgin, for such a mother could not be a lowly animal that fornicated. Since that was a very difficult thing to swallow, it took centuries, right up to 1854, to have the dogma of the Immaculate Conception accepted. The Church fathers, in wanting to manage fornication, had always tried to have the faithful believe they were created in the image of God, and therefore, did not have sex like animals but made love. Very early on, fornication became synonymous with love, that is if you had a monogamous relationship in matrimony. But sex is not love, and today that erroneous inherited notion is causing us a lot of angst.

From the beginning of Christianity, women have been unwittingly cast in the role of Eve. They are the morally questionable ones who lead men astray. But luckily for mankind, the Son of God, a man, came to save humanity from the mess caused by Eve. Very macho indeed! That line of thinking is propagated to this day. Let’s take the AIDS epidemic where the media seem to imply that it’s the females who communicate AIDS to the males. Science tells us that the AIDS virus is transmitted by blood contact, and that it was men who were first contaminated when they supposedly practised bestiality on wild primates. Having sex with our wild cousins can’t happen in the best of conditions to say the least, and when it occurred, it caused lesions to the human penis, and hence the infection. Once infected, human males transmitted it to their partners, male or female, while practising sodomy. The anus not being designed to be penetrated by a penis, lesions in that area necessarily resulted, followed by infection. As for the women who became infected mothers, they transmitted it to their children through the umbilical cord. The fact that it’s the men who are the root cause of this disease is never made clear in the media or in our schools. Why do women continue to bear the brunt of such ignorance, and worse, let themselves be sodomized?

As the Church went forward with its ‘reproduction’ agenda, it continued preaching the 10 Commandments and especially the one that says ‘you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife’. Monogamy was definitely on their mind, but it wasn’t until the 16th century that the Church made matrimony a sacrament and institutionalized male domination. The bride was told that she had to ‘submit herself unto her own husband as unto the Lord, for as Christ is Head of His Church, so is the husband head of his family.’ In Pre-Cana, she was even told that she couldn’t deny sex to her husband, use any form of contraception, nor derive pleasure from the sexual act.

It is reasonable to conclude that although the Christian Church gave us social order by keeping the threat of damnation ever present in our minds, it did little to emancipate women. And although monogamy may be desirable for both men and women, it isn’t possible to live by such a high standard unless the couple is convinced that sex is not synonymous with love, that sex has to do with domination whereas love has to do with sharing common life goals. However, the two can co-exist if the partners create a lasting relationship based on mutual respect before having sex and making babies.

 

55-TAMING OUR ANS

 

When Christianity was created in 325CE on the premise that we were godlike creatures, not animals, it did everything it could to make us ignore our ANS. Our Judeo-Christian world was built in a scientific vacuum, and if science plays such a large part in our world today, it’s thanks to the Huguenots and Sephardim who created the Bank of England in 1694, and Mayer Amschel Rothschild, an Ashkenazi, who created the Bank of North America in 1781. Those bankers who were now sure of being repaid for the first in the history of man then invested in R&D at will. Today, the world of plenty being the result of those investments, most of us are mesmerized by the good life we experience or should experience, and willingly ignore that we must answer to our ANS on a daily basis like all animals on earth. It is almost impossible to put ourselves in the situation of the Andes Crash Disaster where normal well-educated people were forced to resort to cannibalism in order to survive.

We are genetically programmed to go to extremes to survive, and we will eat our fellow humans, drink our urine, and have sex in most violent ways in order to do so. In order to survive, we have a few minutes to get air, a few days to get water, and a month or so to get food. But since we live in a world of plenty, where even in the worse case, like in Africa, we have access to air, water and food, we spend too much time thinking about the pleasures linked to reproduction.

As for urination and defecation, since early twentieth century, there are toilets everywhere and we take those bodily functions in stride. Of the five bodily functions that demand our constant attention, hunger, thirst, defecation, urination and sexual drive, the latter creates the most havoc in our lives because it is the only one we haven’t learned to control with our modern brain. As recent as two hundred years ago, we spent most of our time looking for food, water and shelter, and we thought of sex in a timely fashion. Today, it’s a complete reversal, we have a lot of time on our hands and we spend an inordinately amount of that time dealing with everything relating to our sex drive and wondering how attractive others think we are. Needless to say, it creates quite an imbalance in our lives, and it’s causing us a lot of grief.

We started using tools around 3 million years ago, and by the time we mastered the art of fire making, around 1mya, we were still hunters and gatherers. The ability to make tools and fire was a considerable advance in our evolution, but it was only when we decided to settle down, some 20 thousand years ago, that we started being the humans we are today. That’s when we unwittingly started to respond to our ANS in an organized way. We began planting and growing food in order to store it and avoid famine down the road. We built shelters close to a good water supply, on land where things grew, and realizing that there was strength in numbers, we started associating with other groups.

As hamlets grew, humans soon realized that they had to do something about their body waste. Stench and pestilence had to be dealt with if they planned on living together. As wanderers, it was something they had never thought about. But now, they had to think not only about growing food and having a steady supply of clean water, but also of getting rid of human waste that fouled their living space. However, it was only until very recently, at the very end of the 19th century, that thirst, hunger, urination and defecation, our main ANS imperatives, were dealt with in a systematic way. That was when electricity made tap water and water treatment plants common place and when grocery stores abounded.

We may have learned to deal with thirst, hunger, urination and defecation, but we definitely haven’t regarding sex. When we started growing food some 20kya, life got easier, and since sex was a source of intense pleasure, the males did what came naturally by devoting more time to sexual encounters. Instead of learning to control their sex drive, they gave it free rein. And the stronger and wilier males, realizing that dominating the physically weaker females, whether in estrus or not, was a way of experiencing sexual pleasure, did just that.

Prior to our breaking the time barrier, the alpha males dominated the lower order males, and the alpha females dominated the lower order females in order to establish hierarchy within the group. The alpha male serviced all the females when they were in estrus, hence willing, and everybody was happy except for the lower order males, for being deprived of reproduction privileges meant they were deprived of sexual pleasure. Since sexual pleasure is Mother Nature’s way of forcing us to reproduce, and since the males had no access to the females, they were frustrated. But after we left the world of natural selection, the lower order males found ways to outwit the alpha and started to physically dominate the females in order to get sexual pleasure. It was a complete reversal of fortune for the female gender. Now, all the lower order males could find ways to dominate the females whom they treated as sex objects, reproducers and field hands. The female ceased to be an equal partner, and we still see remnants of that social behavior in todays society. It could be said that intelligence is what caused this mess, and only by using intelligence can we re-establish a true social equilibrium.

Things did get a little better for women 5kya. As leisure time became more plentiful, there were more idle males, and they developed reading and writing, which in turn gave rise to religions. It was still very much a macho world, but the threat of bad gods who were aware of the males’ atrocious behavior and who could send them to hell or some such place after death, made them sit up and listen. When the Christian religion was created in 325CE, it started enforcing the concept of monogamous unions, and thereon in, the males had to put their penis in check when they went into society, although they could still do what they wanted at home.

54-ANS

If we study group behavior among our chimpanzee cousins, and if we accept the fact we were exactly like them prior to our breaking the time barrier, we can learn a lot about ourselves. In the wild, alpha males dominate physically in a altruistic way. They play an important role in the survival of the specie by spreading the best available genes while protecting the females and their offspring. But it’s the wily alpha females who most often lead the group to food sources and water holes and teach the extended family members the necessary survival skills.

Since becoming intelligent some three million years ago, the female’s role has changed, but genetically, she hasn’t. She is as invaluable as she ever was to the specie, but it seems that the opinion she has of herself has seriously deteriorated, and we should want to remedy that. To my way of thinking, when explaining the injustices done to the female, the three main culprits have to do with our breaking the time barrier, with her reproduction lifespan, and the Christian Church’s perennial attitude towards her gender.

We have already seen in a previous posting how unkind nature was to women, how after breaking the time barrier and leaving the world of natural selection, the males dominated them more than ever. But before I attempt to show how her reproduction lifespan and Christianity dampened her aspirations for freedom and equality, I think it would be helpful to better understand our ANS.

All vertebrates have a reptilian brain sitting atop the spinal cord consisting mainly of the hypothalamus which links the endocrine and nervous systems. It’s where the autonomous nervous system (ANS) control center that regulates, without our conscious intervention, bodily functions such as heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, defecation, and sexual arousal is located. If we want to focus on our human values and eventually establish parity between the sexes, we have to become more familiar with that primitive brain that can only be synced up with our human brain if we intervene consciously.

When the dinosaurs disappeared some 65 million years ago, we were small burrowing mammals and we lived by our fight-or-flight and feed-or-breed instincts. Danger was everywhere, in our burrows and in the sky above, and the constant stress we experienced was such that we didn’t live much longer than rodents do today. However, as our brain developed, we learned to sort things out, and as our daily survival stress was reduced, we grew and lived longer. We acquired a limbic brain, then a cortex and neocortex grafted themselves onto the limbic brain, and as little as 3 million years ago, standing on our own two feet, we had the wherewithal to break the time barrier as explained in an earlier posting. Though we were no longer subjected to the forces of ‘natural selection’ and ‘survival of the fittest’, we still answered to those forces, and we still do to this day.

Upon becoming intelligent, we did, however, learn to live in sync with some aspects of our ANS. However, we never learned to deal efficiently with our sex drive. Having become aware of the exquisite and gratuitous pleasure that an orgasm procures, and with ever more time on our hands, when we became aroused sexually, we just didn’t try very hard to put on the brakes. Nonetheless, right up to the 20th century, we depended on the family for survival, and because we didn’t want to be shunned by it, we felt obliged to use some degree of self-discipline in controlling our sexual urges. But when demopotency took hold in the 20th century, fashion ads, social media, celebrity lifestyles and Hollywood films seriously encouraged us to adopt lascivious and superficial behaviors. We still followed the group, but the group had become virtual and individuals related to each other through their libido, and most often, virtually.

We can’t escape the fact that sex is forced upon us by our ANS, that it procures us intense pleasure and that we have no choice but to reproduce as a specie. It is all the more reason to be aware of this archaic breed-or-feed instinct that’s taking over our lives, and to establish education programs to help us channel it. Sex is a lot of fun and indispensable, but we have to put it in its proper place by using the brain we acquired as humans. Why do teachers, mothers and fathers have so much trouble explaining sex to children?

Ask any 10-year-old child what he or she thinks about dad sticking his penis into mom in order to make a baby, and he will quickly respond by saying that it’s gross. Perhaps that may be the reason untold generations have refused to talk openly about sex with children, but perhaps it’s simply because adults unwittingly want to cover up the fact that they think the act of penetrating another’s body is vulgar and demeaning. Sticking a penis or a tongue in the vagina, the anus or the mouth of another isn’t esthetic. Hollywood, the media, and even the Christian Church make it sound attractive or at least acceptable for their own purposes, and because we’re intelligent monkeys and don’t want to be labeled prudish, we adopt and even defend those view points. The end result is that though the ugliness of the act makes us uncomfortable, we act as though it’s cool. The only time we are totally in tune with our sex drive is when we’re sexually aroused, a time when we are forced to blindly answer nature’s call.

For the most part, horniness is brought on independently of our will, and when men are in that state, they may even go so far as to kill someone who stands in the way of their penetrating the targeted body and injecting their semen. And women also display despicable behaviors when in estrus and determined to get a man. So, how can we explain such behavior except to say that it’s our ANS that’s forcing us to reproduce. If we sometimes go completely out of control and adopt horrid behaviors in order to comply with that imposition, who’s to blame? Traditionally, the Cristian Church has tried to control sexual behavior by insisting on no sex before marriage, pretending sex is love, dressing it up socially, and using the condemning-confessing-repenting-forgiving solution, but those are all band-aid approaches. We would be much better off if we faced the problem head on in a scientific and objective manner through education. That way, we could deal with sex like we deal with food. A shared meal prepared with patience and with tasty natural ingredients is more rewarding than stuffing one’s face with a bag of chips on the run.

In spite of the sexual act being ugly, we have to admit that some courtship displays preceding it are breathtakingly beautiful. When we write love poems, slow dance, walk hand in hand, whisper sweet nothings to each other, hug and look at each other languorously, what could be more beautiful? And later, is it necessary to mention the boundless joy felt when a newborn comes into the world? But the middle game where one’s body penetrates or is penetrated by another is ugly, no matter what the fashion magazines or Hollywood tell us, show us, or imply regarding the matter. Observing someone penetrate the mouth, the anus or the vagina of another with his body parts is no prettier than observing the ejection of urine, excrement or vomit by these same orifices.

Nonetheless, excluding our sex drive, we did learn over time to deal with some of the ANS impositions that affect our daily lives. The use of knives and forks is today common, and we no longer act like pigs when we eat. And what about toilets and bathrooms that made urination and defecation banal a mere century ago? Nonetheless, we definitely haven’t learned to deal with fornication where a partner is indispensable. We willingly give in to it if we’re horny, drunk or drugged, that is, when we don’t have to think about it, but because we still refuse to face the issue in a rational manner, we continue to make a mess of it. For centuries, thanks in part to the sacrament of matrimony instituted by the Christian Church, we have amalgamated the words sex and love in order to deal with the grossness of the sexual act being forced upon us. And if we’re not sure of how we feel about the sexual act, all we have to do is picture the next-door neighbor copulating with his wife, and that should give us the answer.