62-THE BUDDING LIBIDO

 

We are 100% animal of the ape family, but we are unique animals in that we are intelligent, which means we can connect the past, the present and the future. The more we can do that the more intelligent we are. However, on the happiness scale, intelligence is only an asset if we use it to be nurturing or creative.

When we became intelligent, we left the world of natural selection, and therein lies a major human problem. We kept on living according to the laws of natural selection that encourage us to adopt a ‘survival of the fittest’ attitude, instead of striving to establish an enduring, loving and connected family, and identifying what we really love to do and doing it for a living. We always want more of everything. We want to be or give the impression that we are smarter, richer and stronger, and we seek better diplomas, more money, a bigger house, a more expensive car and many other ‘mores’. We are absolutely blind to the fact that we live in the best of all possible worlds, a world of credit that gives us every opportunity to be happy. It’s not that the ‘mores’ are bad in themselves, it’s just that we choose them to the detriment of happiness. Creating a family that endures one’s lifespan and doing what we love doing for a living are the things that make us happy, yet, we opt for the ‘mores’. Being nurturing and creative definitely takes second place. Putting it another way, we’re more concerned about impressing others than doing things that make us happy.

I discovered that the great world of credit was created by the greatest man that ever lived, and if my findings are sound, and they are, we should want to take advantage of that world. Accepting the fact that we are apes that left the world of natural selection some three million years ago, thrashing the laws of survival of the fittest that make us always want more, and learning how to be nurturing and creative, would be a good way to do just that.

We have all the bad traits of apes, because that’s what we are. It could even be said that we display more despicable behaviors than our wild cousins because we’re more resourceful, more intelligent. We may have learned to deal with hunger, thirst, urination and defecation, but not our libido, and if we helped our children understand and manage their emerging libido, it could have a huge positive effect on the life path they choose.

We are psychologically constructed in two stages. The foundation is laid when we are taught to be intimate as a newborn. That’s when the lucky ones learn that they’re somebody and feel good about themselves. The second stage occurs when the child’s libido awakens. The first thoughts, dreams and impressions are innocent enough, but when his libido takes hold and causes physical changes to his body, he is thrown in total disarray. That’s when the child tends to stray from his parents’ influence and compare himself to his peers in order to find out where he stands in the world. He will stray more or less depending on how well connected he is to his parents. He will try in every which way to find out if he’s attractive to others. He will test those around him to see if what he thinks is sound, and he will use any bad faith subterfuge in doing so. At this stage, he may become introverted or extraverted, for at puberty very few humans can look at facts objectively, reacting mostly to what the peer group says and thinks about them.

To make matters worse, because we’ve been living in a world of leisure since early twentieth century, and since virtual reality has taken over our lives via the smartphone, we are not in an enviable position. Though, unlike thirst and hunger, libido is not essential to the teen’s survival, he will spend most of his waking hours thinking about it because the sexual urge being forced upon him promises exquisite pleasure, especially if he has already experienced an orgasm.

So, if the child knows that his ANS will unleash a serious attack on his body and that he will be forced to make babies, he has a fighting chance in dealing properly with this assault. He learned to cope with bodily functions when he was two, and how to eat properly when he was four, but now he must deal with the imposition of creating life. He will be hit with a bodily function that nobody feels comfortable with and that few feel free to talk about. Its doubly complicated because in forcing him to reproduce, his ANS forces him to find a partner as well. And since sticking one’s body parts in the orifices of another body is not something very esthetic, nor very flattering for the intelligent human’s self image, he will be faced with a serious dilemma. So, the parent has to help the child deal with his libido just as he did with toilet training.

The boy will soon feel the urgent need to stick his erect penis into any available target, but he should be told to absolutely refrain from penetrating a girl’s vagina, at least until he knows what it implies, emotionally, physically and socially. By this time, he should be aware that having and raising a child is one of the greatest experiences one can ever have. The sexual act is definitely not as banal as making a sandwich to feed his hunger, drinking a glass of milk to quench his thirst, or going to the toilet to alleviate his bowels or his bladder. He is forced to do all those things, but he must never forget that having sex is for making babies, first and foremost.

The part where the parent explains the mechanics of producing a baby need not be too worrying, for there are many good web sites that show how sperm is fabricated and how it is released into the female body where a female egg may be waiting to be fertilized. Learning how the baby grows and how it is born is also quite straightforward, thanks to the web. Learning how we can physically stop the sperm from reaching the female egg, or how the female can use the pill to chemically halt its progress in her body is also very well explained. The only thing the parent has to do is be available in order to guide the child and answer his questions.

The difficult part is explaining what follows the birth of a baby. The teen must be made to realize the enormous emotional investment that’s involved. Genetically, a parent, no matter how old, will genetically be disposed to sacrifice his or her life in order to protect his offspring. So how does a teen feel if he has to give it up for adoption or have the pregnancy terminated. How does a youth handle those life and death decisions? That is an awesome load to carry through life if one has to make such a decision. So, the teen should be told not to experiment, especially if he doesn’t use some solid means of contraception. If one is stupid enough to play with sex as he would a video game, the least he can do is avoid pregnancy and disease.

Parents should make a point of telling the youth that having sex without developing a relationship is not gratifying and certainly not conducive to feeling good about oneself. One has to respect the partner as a person, not just a sexual object. From the boy’s standpoint, having an orgasm is a no-brainer, so he would be wise to masturbate instead of forcing himself on some unwary partner. He may be motivated to relate his sexual conquests to others in order to be popular, but it can only do a lot of harm, to both the girl and the boy. Doing things to impress others is a catastrophic modus operandi. On the other hand, if he develops a real relationship with his partner, if the couple decides together to experiment, and if they take the necessary steps to avoid pregnancy, that can be constructive. Later, if they go their separate ways, they should be able to remember their relationship as a wonderful experience with a nice human being. If that can’t be guaranteed, they shouldn’t experiment in the first place.

There’s also a social factor that can have a colossal impact on a teen’s life, especially the girl. If a girl decides to take the pill and have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry, she’ll be quickly labelled a slut, or worse. That is not a way to start on a life journey. If both teens decide to have sex, they should both do so after establishing a genuine relationship, taking necessary contraceptive measures, and having, if at all possible, the tacit approval of the parents.

 

 

61-MAKING BABIES

 

Children must start out knowing that they are 100% animal of the ape family and that they are completely controlled by their ANS like all living things. They may have already been taught to deal with certain impositions of the ANS, like eating and drinking with utensils, defecating and urinating in a toilet, but a successful human being must know intimacy as a child and he must also learn how he will be forced to make babies. He should be taught how his libido will develop as soon as it’s feasible to do so.

Sex education can start at an early age by explaining how the apple blossom becomes an apple and how its seed becomes a tree. We start by saying that each blossom or flower has two sex organs, one male and one female. When mature, the female organ produces an ovule and the male organ produces sperm called pollen. When a bee or some other insect comes along to drink the nectar found in the flower cup, pollen gets stuck to its legs. As the bee goes from flower to flower the sticky sperm gets stuck on the female organ of another flower. The sperm then grows a shoot downward to the ovule, and once joined, the sperm and the ovule develop into a seed. The apple that we eat is the food that surrounds the seed and is necessary for its development if and when the apple falls to the ground. The food gives the seed enough time to develop and root and thus become a new apple tree.

Animals make babies as well, and we can tell our child how salmon do it. When the young salmon are strong enough, they leave the river where they were born and head for the ocean. They spend years travelling long distances in the oceans of the world. When they are fully mature they return to their river of origin to spawn. It’s a life and death battle as they spend all their energy swimming up river against strong currents in order to find the right spot for reproducing. The female then builds a gravel nest on the river bottom in which she deposits thousands of eggs or ovules. Her mate then releases huge quantities of sperm over the nest. When a sperm reaches an ovule, it penetrates it and the egg is fertilized. Many weeks later, a baby salmon, called a fry, hatches. When the young salmon are big and strong enough, they head out to the ocean and start the process all over again.

In the meantime, parents should take their children to zoos and animal farms as often as possible. The more familiar they become with the baby animals running around, and perhaps with the males mounting the females, the more questions they’ll ask. After many visits to the said areas, and seeing many appropriately selected films on the matter, it is then relatively easy to explain how the male sperm gets to the female ovule in bigger animals. They already know how that happens with flowers and salmon, and going one step further is a no brainer.

So, when the dreaded question is asked, when the child asks the parents if they did it too, they’ll be ready. A wise parent may want to deflect the question by talking about what happens to the child’s body as he enters puberty. The child will be told in a nonsense manner that his body will soon be transformed as it gets ready to reproduce and he should be told what to expect. He may already be aware that something is happening to his body. No matter, it’s a good time to tell him that signs of maturity for the girl are the development of breasts, hips and pubic hair, while for the boy, it’s facial hair, pubic hair, muscle and a deep voice. Then he has to be told about his ANS and the urges he or she will experience, like wanting to touch the person of the other sex, innocent urges that society mistakenly calls puppy love, but that can easily turn into a horrific life experience if not handled properly.

He is aware that his ANS has total control over him, and knows the role the hypothalamus plays. The hypothalamus is a tiny primitive brain that sits on top of the spinal chord and forces living beings to breathe, eat, drink, urinate, defecate and reproduce, just to name a few of the vital functions that don’t depend on one’s will. When it awakens to sexual stimuli, the hypothalamus sends hormones (a chemical message) to the pituitary gland telling it to produce the appropriate hormones which are then sent on to the concerned reproductive organs. The child will be told that in a very short while, his body will have to deal with this sex stimulus. When this happens, the boy will get an erection and the girl will feel tingling as the clitoris and labia become engorged. The sensations are pleasant but uncomfortable. The girl who is looking at the cute boy with the angel curls or the boy who is looking at the bumps on a girl’s t-shirt can go crazy thinking about it as more and more sex hormones are sent from the hypothalamus to the erotic areas of the body.

The ANS forces override our will. When we’re hungry we have no choice but to grab something to eat, and the same goes when we’re thirsty. But what are we to do when we’re sexually aroused? We can go for a long run or take a cold shower in order to take our mind off it, or we might want to masturbate. Wise parents will already have told their children that self-stimulation not only relieves tension but gives pleasure, and that it’s a perfectly safe and healthy thing to do as long as relieving tension is the main goal. After all, the body is not a toy. Again, there is much information on the subject on the net, and parents should encourage them to seek out the information that is of interest to them and be readily available to answer their questions. They should especially insist on the fact that masturbation is not a demeaning act, while at the same time teach them about their main erotic zones, the frenulum and the clitoris.

At this time, the child might be curious about what their parents did when they were their age and how they met. The best way for the parents to answer is to say that they went through exactly what he’ll soon be going through, and that they did what their parents did before them, because that’s what healthy humans do. They must talk openly about it, for letting him act out of ignorance when his time comes can only lead to his feeling bad about his behavior, or worse. If parents have established an intimate relationship with the child, they should find it easy to tell him or her how mom and dad met, how they became lovers, and when they decided to have the beautiful child that’s before them. The child can only find such a story beautiful and admire his parents all the more for having the courage to tell it.