65-KNOW YOUR BULLY

Knowing who and what you are is knowing your bully. If we don’t introduce the child to Darwinism and teach him the origins of life and the laws of natural selection, there is no hope of taking away the bully’s power. The child has to know that he is 100% animal of the ape family like his parents and that he is forced to live by the dictates of his ANS just like all animals on earth. If he understands how wild animals behave in the natural selection world around him, and knows that humans behave just like that, though in more sophisticated ways since they broke the time barrier, he’ll be able to put two and two together. He’ll realize that he is genetically programmed like an ape in spite of the fact that he uses a knife and fork when he eats. He may even deduce, that being intelligent allows humans to be much more inventive in acting out all the dastardly tendencies in the wild ape’s inventory.

Fighting tooth and nail in order to become an alpha is genetically sound in the animal kingdom, but when we broke the time barrier and became intelligent some three million years ago, we ceased being subjected to the laws of natural selection. So, genetically, we are meant to become bullies, but because we are intelligent, bullying has become a negative social force. Intelligence being the ability to tie past experiences with future experiences while making sense of the present, most of us realize that bullying is counterproductive to the group.

The alpha male of yesteryear was altruistic, for his only purpose was to ensure the quality of the genetic stock within the group while protecting the members of the group. Today, the only altruistic alpha left in the world of humans sits at the head of the dynasty of bankers in the City in London. Those prancing around us pretending to be alphas are bullies, mean and nasty individuals who are bent on pursuing their own agenda. We left the 24/7 world of survival a long time ago, but we still live by the archaic laws of survival of the fittest. And because we have less and less to do, and because we are genuine apes that need to be told what to do in spite of the fact that we do everything in our power to prove otherwise, it’s a situation that fosters the proliferation of pseudo alphas, or bullies. The laws of survival of the fittest or natural selection no longer apply to us, yet we still live by them, and that is what is killing us in the world of leisure that we find ourselves in. Getting ass, kicking ass and making money are the bullies’ main preoccupations, and we all admire those who succeed. Why aren’t we interested in human values, self-fulfillment and happiness? We could say that it’s because self-fulfillment is like a vegetable garden, we all think it’s a great idea and even dream about its benefits, but never pursue the idea of working a garden because it doesn’t pay and it’s too much work.

Nonetheless, we can be sure that the financial power sitting in the City is interested in maintaining the great market economies of the world that it created, while doing everything it can to improve them. We have the World Bank, UNESCO, World Heritage, Green Peace, WWF, and all the UN agencies and private institutions like National Geographic and the Smithsonian, along with the world bank that indirectly finances thousands of NGO’s and thousands of university labs and research centers. The Pacific garbage patches will be cleaned up, wildlife will survive as the numerous UNESCO protected parks are joined by corridors in Africa as well as North America, we will have abundant clean energy by way of fusion, hydrogen and solar, we will grow all the food we need, and all this because the City dynasty of bankers are intent on protecting and improving the global village they created. Unfortunately, because we are being socially empowered while needing to be told what to do every step of the way, we have become a fragile screwed-up specie. The only way Big Brother has of dealing with this dichotomy festering in all of us is to make ever greater use of the crop mentioned earlier, that is, by imposing more controls and restrictions regarding our security and safety.

However, because Big Brother created the world of leisure and knows we live a life that we are not genetically programmed for, he creates ways to occupy our leisure time. Right up until the start of the 20th century, people were busy just plain surviving 24/7, as many in Africa, Latin America, Asia and Russia still do today. Survival, religion and politics kept the masses busy for the longest time, but when the three Gorgon Sisters were created in mid 19th century, and especially when steam and electricity became widespread at the end of that century, leisure time started increasing. After two world wars that kept us more than busy, after the signing of the Bretton Woods agreement in 1944, and especially after the new market economies started roaring, providing us jobs in the process, more ways had to be developed to keep the populations busy. At first, jobs encouraged people to shop and accumulate material things, and that was a very attractive way of spending time, but today, it’s proving to be counterproductive in fulfillment terms. That’s why Big Brother is now bent on developing other ways to help us spend our leisure time. Making money, consuming and watching television got us through most of the 20th century, but we are now hard-wired to the Gorgon Sisters through our smartphones, which is a much more efficient way of occupying our idle moments. And since sports, travel, and rallies and concerts of all kinds are saner ways to occupy the masses, that is what is being financed today at breakneck speed, for it allows the whole world to join in as participant or spectator. The hundreds of world and international competitions, starting with the Olympics, winter, summer and para, involving hundreds of sports, with new ones being developed everyday, seen worldwide on television or our smartphones, along with the thousands of rallies and concerts, are proof that sports, entertainment and politics are replacing religion as the opium of the people. In the last hundred years, sports participation and viewing has increased exponentially and there is no slow-down in sight, thanks to the research and development money from Big Brother in the City.

However, because we live in this great world of leisure, we often forget that we are genetically programmed to be violent, and that that violence has to be somehow released. During millions of years, we were forced to kill wild animals for food and were often killed in the process, and we had to get through deadly winters and summer droughts waiting for food. The memories of those violent ways are genetically imprinted in us. Thankfully, we started being less violent around 20k years ago when we settled down and grew food, and more so 5k years ago when writing and religion were created. But we only started living in a leisurely fashion in early 20th century when electricity was made available to the masses. Though ever more political rallies, sports events, concerts and travel are all good ways to release the tension that builds up in us, such activities should be accompanied by an educational system that addresses who and what we are, and how and why we behave the way we do. We have to face the fact that we are intelligent apes, and that we act exactly like apes. We have to stop using the god concept that was created in 325 CE as a crutch to make us forget our apeness.

Because we come from a violent past, and because the archaic laws of natural selection still incite us to follow the laws of survival of the fittest, it makes us all potential bullies when given a chance. Give someone a badge, a uniform, a title, a rank, wealth or a high salary, and you can make him do just about anything you want. Napoleon was the first bright example, then there were the Hitler’s, the Stalin’s, the Mao’s, and the Tojo’s, while today it’s clowns like Trump, Putin and Johnson that supposedly guide us. Before 1944, the City used henchmen to bulldoze the old regimes of the world, today, they use clowns to entertain us.

Learning Darwinism is learning humility. Knowledge is not weakness, it is strength. Self-empowerment is based on strength and humility, while societal empowerment is based on arrogance and weakness. We have no choice but to use societal empowerment forces to reclaim self-empowerment if we want to feel fulfilled. The key to doing this lies in reclaiming our values, the same values that apply to all living things. If, in our daily lives, we stress immediate gratification and nurture greed to the detriment of family life and creative activities, it’s like shopping for food in a supermarket instead of growing it. Like all of universe we follow the path of least resistance, and as humans living in a world of plenty chasing the ‘mores’ of the world, we are very much like a great beautiful car with the gas gauge pointing to empty.

 

64-HIGH SCHOOL JUNGLE

 

As a child, getting intimately connected to one’s parents is a beautiful thing that lasts a lifetime. When official education begins in grade school, it is also a wonderful experience, for children are surrounded by nurturing teachers who gently teach them reading, writing, arithmetic and socializing. Later, if he’s lucky, the teen will not go to a middle school, but rather straight from grade school to high school. School becomes a jungle when students become teens, for that is when their libido kicks in, and it starts in middle school. If middle school is integrated into the grade school, then the same nurturing and caring atmosphere will likely reign until they go to high school. When all is said and done, high school is the best training grounds for those who still live by the laws of ‘survival of the fittest’, the bullies.

In high school, that’s when the smelly stuff hits the proverbial fan. Because the teens are now more interested in knowing where they stand with regards to their peer group than listening to the wise counsel of parents and teachers, the nurturing mode goes out the window. It could be said that the students are now on their own in a virtual jungle. The school is ruled by a student dictatorship composed of dorks who surround themselves with molls and goons that sit in the school hallways at lunchtime. This ruling class treat students involved in creative activities, be it shops, music, art, or computer science as lowly nerds, or worse. The goons and molls are mean and nasty and outdo themselves to be well perceived by the dorks. If good girls want to be accepted, they may have to do demeaning sexual acts such as fellatio on the dorks, and the molls are often the enforcers. As for the homosexuals, they are bullied in despicable ways, and everybody lives by the law of omerta. If one knows how high schools tick, one can understand why there are so many suicides and shootings during those ‘learning’ years.

The question then is how does this come about. A good answer would be to say that it’s because children are entering the world of libido and the defunct yet persisting world of survival of the fittest while at the same time leaving their parents’ direct influence. Survival of the fittest and natural selection no longer apply to the human race, but students are bent on living by those very laws. The teens are simply getting ready for the consumer world facing them. The tragedy is that they’re motivated to live by the archaic laws of ‘survival of the fittest’ to the detriment of the values that make all humans happy, because that’s what society tells them to do. They want to be perceived as alphas, in a world where altruistic alphas have long ceased to exist, instead of trying to identify what they really love to do and learning how to establish meaningful relationships. In the wild, the alpha was absolutely indispensable to the survival of the group, but humans have become intelligent, and now live in a world of credit. The genuine altruistic alphas have gone the way of the dinosaurs. Those who still try to be alphas are selfish bullies and are harmful to the group.

High schools are baby-sitting institutions ruled by wannabe pseudo alphas, and that excludes the teaching staff. We could ask, at this point, how dorks become dorks or how hierarchy is established. Well, it has to do with their dong. When boys grow up, they want to know how their wee-wee compares to others. They have all kinds of games and tricks in order to accomplish this. At first, they may have long distance peeing contests, and later, even ejaculating contests, and all this with one thing in mind, how big is my dork compared to the others, or how much of a man am I. As boys get older, the ones with the small dongs know better than to become athletes that have to use the communal showers. They especially don’t want to give a moll, a dork groupie, the opportunity to humiliate them as a male, and that limits their social ambitions. Hierarchy is established just like in the animal kingdom at large. It has to do mainly with strength and size, and if a dork happens to be tall, good-looking and smart and belongs to an ‘important’ family, there’s no telling how far he will go on the road to becoming a pseudo-alpha, or a full blown out bully.

Bullying is normal and genetically sound, for all males in the animal kingdom try to become alphas in that very way. It’s necessary for the survival of each specie because alphas spread the best genes and protect the group. Individuals of a group will force any outsider, who is in the slightest different from them, out of the group. Bullying and exclusion are still very much part of our genetic make-up, but these genetic tendencies must remain latent in the global village of intelligent humans. Though we will always have those genetic tendencies, because we are intelligent, and especially because we have been living in this wonderful world of credit for more than 100 years, a growing number of citizens realize they do more harm than good. More to the point, they no longer contribute to the welfare of society in any way and are harmful to individuals.

If we are to counter these genetic tendencies, we can only do it through education. However, we first have to face the fact that we are 100% animal of the ape family, and admit we have those archaic genetic tendencies. Like in an AA meeting, individuals can only fight their addiction if they first admit they’re addicted. Since most religious groups refuse to face up to the fact that we’re apes, and since our societies are morally guided by those groups, it seems like an impossible task. Some well-meaning and caring individuals use band-aid approaches by pushing for stronger legal deterrents against bullying, but nothing can be done until schools start teaching Darwinism instead of creationism as a starter.

Not only do we have those ‘survival of the fittest’ tendencies in all of us, but modern parents are the ones who are responsible for the proliferation of bullies. Insensitive parenting and unpredictable or negligent care, over-praising and excessive pampering where parents focus intensely on a particular talent or physical trait of their child as a result of their own self-esteem issues, wreaking criticism and abuse that leads to trauma, and later, having extremely high expectations, are sure ways to create a misfit who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder, or worse, who wants to hit back.

We can wean ourselves off the ‘survival of the fittest’ syndrome by undergoing an educational process based on apprenticeships. The American kick-ass system and the English queenie system have to be reset. Chances are, if one helps his child accept his animal origins and discover his genuine talents, the child will cope very nicely, knowing he is heading for a lifetime of fulfillment. Getting the most prestigious diploma in the most prestigious institution at all cost is not the path to follow, discovering what you love doing and honing your natural talents, that may or may not require diplomas, is. If one does what he loves doing for a living, he will never work a day in his life, and by the same token, will diffuse well-being, fulfillment and happiness all around him. Being nurturing and creative are what makes humans beautiful.

 

63-THE WALL

We have seen how two teens, each brought up in an intimate family environment, established a serious relationship that led to a great marriage, a great family and fabulous life occupations. Even if one is lucky enough to be in such an enviable position, like them, that person will still have to face the wall, for nobody is spared.

Genetically, females are not programmed to receive the male’s sperm past menopause, a reality that is often ignored. Even if some men, whether for reasons of nostalgia, domination, money, deprivation or perversion, occasionally ignore this imposition by having sex with post-menopausal women, the fact remains that when the female runs out of ovarian follicles she can no longer reproduce, and when this happens, males, who have a longer reproductive life, genetically stop desiring her sexually and want to have sex with a female who can reproducen. It’s a great injustice done to women by Mother Nature, for when women reach menopause, they stop sending the magical pheromone signals to their partner. Notwithstanding the fact that humans have practically lost their sense of smell since becoming intelligent millions of years ago, and that perfumes and synthetic products of all kinds tend to block them, pheromones are what triggers sexual arousal. They are mysterious agents that are not well understood by science, but be they visual, tactile or gustatory, pheromones are associated with sexual arousal, and when these misunderstood messengers stop triggering the partner’s hypothalamus, the latter is no longer sexually stimulated by the sender. Although very little is known about the interaction of pheromones between partners, they exist in the entire animal kingdom.

As a further injustice to women, for the last two thousand years, Christianity has taught us to equate sex with love. So, when the mature husband ceases to want to have sex with his mature wife, the latter believes her mate doesn’t love her anymore. The irony is that just when this situation arises, it’s often the time when males love their partners most. However, this usually means the end of a relationship unless it’s understood and dealt with.

Since the wife feels that it’s her fault for not being attractive enough, the female doubles the coats of paint and flaunts her badge of femininity with greater determination. Naturally, in doing so, the more clownish and vulgar looking she becomes, and the male is less and less apt to be aroused by her. Though women are the ones who often initiate divorce, the root cause is male genetic make-up. The husband may love his wife dearly, but genetically, he is less interested in having sex with her for reasons even he doesn’t understand. At this point, they seem hell bent on destroying their lifetime emotional investment, and two things happen. On the one hand, since modern couples measure their worth against their libido, the wife feels unwanted, unattractive and unloved, and on the other, she can’t help showing her displeasure. The situation escalates to the point where it gives the husband an excuse to have sex with the young secretary wearing the cute badge of femininity, the one who has always shown interest in him. Divorce is almost sure to follow. If, in some cases, divorce happens sooner, it’s for other reasons, the main one being that the couple never established a real relationship in the first place.

Barely 100 years ago, we left the world of self-empowerment for that of societal empowerment, and that turned out to be a disaster. Although the consumer world that followed was the greatest one that we could possibly imagine, it made us disconnect from the natural world. The world of leisure we found ourselves in was extremely attractive, but it soon became obvious that our specie is not genetically programmed for such a world. Naturally, with more time on our hands, our faky (virtual) and lusty (sexual) dispositions as human animals were exploited to the fullest, and paradoxically, individuals started running on empty in a world of plenty.

A lusty faky approach to life just can’t make us happy. And because our libido in all its disguises is driving our lives, and since relationships based on trust, emotional honesty and commitment have fallen by the wayside, we are forced into a corner. If we want to have a fulfilled life, we have to decide between instant gratification or lasting relationships. It’s really about lust or trust, yet today, when people get married, the first thing they do is sign a prenuptial agreement. Does that mean that they’re already thinking of divorce? Go figure!

Few people have been taught to live in intimacy, a key ingredient in a trusting and fulfilling relationship hopefully learned in early childhood. If we are not in the privileged position of knowing intimacy, then we must start off with trust instead of lust, and we need outside help. Matchmaking, a solution that is completely taboo in our societal empowerment world, would be the most obvious path to follow. Hassidic Jews are very good at matchmaking and we should learn from them. However, it’s not an easy thing to do, for in our consumer society most matchmaking venues try to match up the faky and lusty aspects of our nature in order to make easy money. So, if an emotionally honest person has enough fortitude to choose the taboo solution of matchmaking, he or she has a further task of finding a matchmaker whose prime concern is creating a successful emotional partnership.

A genuine matchmaker will stress above all the need to create a partnership. While he may take physical attraction into consideration, he will certainly not delve on lust. If he succeeds in combining all the qualities of one individual necessary to enhance the strengths and counter the weaknesses of the other, the matchmaker will have done a great job. If complete trust and honesty is mutually achieved, romance and love is almost sure to follow, in spite of the fact that becoming trusting and emotionally connected for the first time in one’s life is an almost impossible thing to do. No matter, matchmaking would be a serious option for achieving happiness if society did not berate it so.

Nonetheless, whether in the case of the ideal couple mentioned earlier, where they started with the lust option with the full support of the four parents, whether in the case of those who are not supported by family or those who want to establish a genuine partnership through the matchmaking process, all couples have to eventually face the wall mentioned earlier. Sexual attraction lasts only a short while, but love lasts a lifetime, and a couple will be able to go from sex mode to love mode and circumvent the wall only if their marriage is built on the basis of a strong partnership.

For two thousand years, Christianity has taught us that sex and love are one and the same, or at least should be, and that line of thinking has to be thrashed. We have even adopted the phrases ‘to fall in love’ when we’re horny, and ‘making love’ when we fornicate. Why can’t we simply ‘love’? Things are definitely askew when it comes to sex. If a couple wants a shot at the brass ring, it has to establish real intimacy in a real relationship right from the beginning, have children that they both treat as the most important life asset they have, stop using the words sex and love interchangeably, and be fully aware that they will have to face the wall.

At the beginning of most marriages, the husband can’t possibly imagine that

he will one day not want to have sex with his wife, yet it is a certainty. It may be construed as a negative thing to do, and it may be very hard, but they should talk about that matter in the early stages of their marriage, even if it’s just in jest.

In a nutshell, the ideal couple mentioned earlier has been intimately connected since forever, they have had a sex life that would put Bonobos to shame, they have two adorable children that are following in their footsteps, they are very successful and fulfilled in what they do for a living, and they love each other. However, though he will want to hug her and caress her when she reaches menopause, he will no longer wants to have sex with her. So, what to do?

If they both are convinced that sex is not love, the menopausal wife may feel relieved that she doesn’t have to pretend any more. Nonetheless, the husband’s testosterone keeps pumping, and he doesn’t know how to get rid of his wad. At this stage, it’s mainly about what to do with the husband’s libido, for the wife’s libido is no longer a factor although social pressure may tell her otherwise. Because the group tells us we’re nonentities if we’re not sexually active, both tend to pretend they are. Nonetheless, a smart couple seeking happiness and fulfillment will want to take full measure of the wall hurdle and overcome it. But they not only have social pressure to overcome, they also have the fond memories of their sexual deeds of yesteryears to deal with. When all is said and done, they have to be very strong to come to the conclusion that their sex life has come to an end and that family is what is most important. If they are, they then can talk frankly about what to do with their libido, especially the husband’s

At this point in the relationship, both parties must accept the fact that they are facing the wall and agree it’s a genetic, not a personal, thing. The couple must zero in on that problem and find ways on how the husband can relieve himself sexually in order to save the family. The husband can masturbate, go to a brothel, take on a mistress, have a live-in young concubine, or rent a bachelor pad where he keeps a sexbot, but these solutions are far from ideal. If he has a fatberg between the ears, he might even try to seduce his daughter or her girl friend who lives next door, rape his babysitter or co-worker, but these criminal alternatives are not what a sane mature man would want to do. When a man ceases to want to have sex with his wife and is continually turned on by younger women, it just means he is being ruled by his ANS. If he knows that’s the case, and if he loves his wife, he’s in a real bind. The more stupid men, often spurred on by their wives, will even take Viagra in order to re-establish a sexual relationship with the wife, which is a perfectly insane thing to do. It’s like an obese person doing everything it can to stimulate hunger. If the couple really knows what is happening to their libido, they should be thinking of diminishing not increasing the husband’s libido.

If the man didn’t let his libido define him as a person, and if he didn’t entertain the idea of having children in the future, orchiectomy would definitely be a serious option. At menopause, many wives no longer want to be bothered with sex anyway, unless they’re tuned in to the ‘desperate housewives’ thing, so why should the husband not stop his production of sperm? The sad part is that both the husband and the wife think that a man is no longer a man if he gets an orchiectomy. Nonetheless, if he is a psychologically well-constructed male, and has had a healthy sex life and built a loving family, he definitely doesn’t want to destroy his assets by seeking action left and right, by divorcing, or worse, by committing a crime. So, the best thing to do is to get rid of his urge to reproduce. Getting an orchiectomy to reduce libido could be compared to an obese person getting gastric bypass surgery in order to lose weight.

Orchiectomy is a banal outpatient operation. There is no physical deformation if saline implants are used to replace the gonads, and the operation is relatively side-effect free. If the husband loves his wife and family, and maintains a healthy diet while keeping fit, he will be as fulfilled as can be. The only thing he may require, if it comes down to that, is wear a hormone patch to compensate for the loss of testosterone. This operation is not meant for those with a poor self-image or a fragile ego, for it goes against the whole post-sapiens human culture that says one is not a man if one doesn’t screw.

62-THE BUDDING LIBIDO

 

We are 100% animal of the ape family, but we are unique animals in that we are intelligent, which means we can connect the past, the present and the future. The more we can do that the more intelligent we are. However, on the happiness scale, intelligence is only an asset if we use it to be nurturing or creative.

When we became intelligent, we left the world of natural selection, and therein lies a major human problem. We kept on living according to the laws of natural selection that encourage us to adopt a ‘survival of the fittest’ attitude, instead of striving to establish an enduring, loving and connected family, and identifying what we really love to do and doing it for a living. We always want more of everything. We want to be or give the impression that we are smarter, richer and stronger, and we seek better diplomas, more money, a bigger house, a more expensive car and many other ‘mores’. We are absolutely blind to the fact that we live in the best of all possible worlds, a world of credit that gives us every opportunity to be happy. It’s not that the ‘mores’ are bad in themselves, it’s just that we choose them to the detriment of happiness. Creating a family that endures one’s lifespan and doing what we love doing for a living are the things that make us happy, yet, we opt for the ‘mores’. Being nurturing and creative definitely takes second place. Putting it another way, we’re more concerned about impressing others than doing things that make us happy.

I discovered that the great world of credit was created by the greatest man that ever lived, and if my findings are sound, and they are, we should want to take advantage of that world. Accepting the fact that we are apes that left the world of natural selection some three million years ago, thrashing the laws of survival of the fittest that make us always want more, and learning how to be nurturing and creative, would be a good way to do just that.

We have all the bad traits of apes, because that’s what we are. It could even be said that we display more despicable behaviors than our wild cousins because we’re more resourceful, more intelligent. We may have learned to deal with hunger, thirst, urination and defecation, but not our libido, and if we helped our children understand and manage their emerging libido, it could have a huge positive effect on the life path they choose.

We are psychologically constructed in two stages. The foundation is laid when we are taught to be intimate as a newborn. That’s when the lucky ones learn that they’re somebody and feel good about themselves. The second stage occurs when the child’s libido awakens. The first thoughts, dreams and impressions are innocent enough, but when his libido takes hold and causes physical changes to his body, he is thrown in total disarray. That’s when the child tends to stray from his parents’ influence and compare himself to his peers in order to find out where he stands in the world. He will stray more or less depending on how well connected he is to his parents. He will try in every which way to find out if he’s attractive to others. He will test those around him to see if what he thinks is sound, and he will use any bad faith subterfuge in doing so. At this stage, he may become introverted or extraverted, for at puberty very few humans can look at facts objectively, reacting mostly to what the peer group says and thinks about them.

To make matters worse, because we’ve been living in a world of leisure since early twentieth century, and since virtual reality has taken over our lives via the smartphone, we are not in an enviable position. Though, unlike thirst and hunger, libido is not essential to the teen’s survival, he will spend most of his waking hours thinking about it because the sexual urge being forced upon him promises exquisite pleasure, especially if he has already experienced an orgasm.

So, if the child knows that his ANS will unleash a serious attack on his body and that he will be forced to make babies, he has a fighting chance in dealing properly with this assault. He learned to cope with bodily functions when he was two, and how to eat properly when he was four, but now he must deal with the imposition of creating life. He will be hit with a bodily function that nobody feels comfortable with and that few feel free to talk about. Its doubly complicated because in forcing him to reproduce, his ANS forces him to find a partner as well. And since sticking one’s body parts in the orifices of another body is not something very esthetic, nor very flattering for the intelligent human’s self image, he will be faced with a serious dilemma. So, the parent has to help the child deal with his libido just as he did with toilet training.

The boy will soon feel the urgent need to stick his erect penis into any available target, but he should be told to absolutely refrain from penetrating a girl’s vagina, at least until he knows what it implies, emotionally, physically and socially. By this time, he should be aware that having and raising a child is one of the greatest experiences one can ever have. The sexual act is definitely not as banal as making a sandwich to feed his hunger, drinking a glass of milk to quench his thirst, or going to the toilet to alleviate his bowels or his bladder. He is forced to do all those things, but he must never forget that having sex is for making babies, first and foremost.

The part where the parent explains the mechanics of producing a baby need not be too worrying, for there are many good web sites that show how sperm is fabricated and how it is released into the female body where a female egg may be waiting to be fertilized. Learning how the baby grows and how it is born is also quite straightforward, thanks to the web. Learning how we can physically stop the sperm from reaching the female egg, or how the female can use the pill to chemically halt its progress in her body is also very well explained. The only thing the parent has to do is be available in order to guide the child and answer his questions.

The difficult part is explaining what follows the birth of a baby. The teen must be made to realize the enormous emotional investment that’s involved. Genetically, a parent, no matter how old, will genetically be disposed to sacrifice his or her life in order to protect his offspring. So how does a teen feel if he has to give it up for adoption or have the pregnancy terminated. How does a youth handle those life and death decisions? That is an awesome load to carry through life if one has to make such a decision. So, the teen should be told not to experiment, especially if he doesn’t use some solid means of contraception. If one is stupid enough to play with sex as he would a video game, the least he can do is avoid pregnancy and disease.

Parents should make a point of telling the youth that having sex without developing a relationship is not gratifying and certainly not conducive to feeling good about oneself. One has to respect the partner as a person, not just a sexual object. From the boy’s standpoint, having an orgasm is a no-brainer, so he would be wise to masturbate instead of forcing himself on some unwary partner. He may be motivated to relate his sexual conquests to others in order to be popular, but it can only do a lot of harm, to both the girl and the boy. Doing things to impress others is a catastrophic modus operandi. On the other hand, if he develops a real relationship with his partner, if the couple decides together to experiment, and if they take the necessary steps to avoid pregnancy, that can be constructive. Later, if they go their separate ways, they should be able to remember their relationship as a wonderful experience with a nice human being. If that can’t be guaranteed, they shouldn’t experiment in the first place.

There’s also a social factor that can have a colossal impact on a teen’s life, especially the girl. If a girl decides to take the pill and have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry, she’ll be quickly labelled a slut, or worse. That is not a way to start on a life journey. If both teens decide to have sex, they should both do so after establishing a genuine relationship, taking necessary contraceptive measures, and having, if at all possible, the tacit approval of the parents.

 

 

61-FORCED TO MAKE BABIES

 

Children must start out knowing that they are 100% animal of the ape family and that they are completely controlled by their ANS like all living things. They may have already been taught to deal with certain impositions of the ANS, like eating and drinking with utensils, defecating and urinating in a toilet, but a successful human being must know intimacy as a child and he must also learn how he will be forced to make babies. He should be taught how his libido will develop as soon as it’s feasible to do so.

Sex education can start at an early age by explaining how the apple blossom becomes an apple and how its seed becomes a tree. We start by saying that each blossom or flower has two sex organs, one male and one female. When mature, the female organ produces an ovule and the male organ produces sperm called pollen. When a bee or some other insect comes along to drink the nectar found in the flower cup, pollen gets stuck to its legs. As the bee goes from flower to flower the sticky sperm gets stuck on the female organ of another flower. The sperm then grows a shoot downward to the ovule, and once joined, the sperm and the ovule develop into a seed. The apple that we eat is the food that surrounds the seed and is necessary for its development if and when the apple falls to the ground. The food gives the seed enough time to develop and root and thus become a new apple tree.

Animals make babies as well, and we can tell our child how salmon do it. When the young salmon are strong enough, they leave the river where they were born and head for the ocean. They spend years travelling long distances in the oceans of the world. When they are fully mature they return to their river of origin to spawn. It’s a life and death battle as they spend all their energy swimming up river against strong currents in order to find the right spot for reproducing. The female then builds a gravel nest on the river bottom in which she deposits thousands of eggs or ovules. Her mate then releases huge quantities of sperm over the nest. When a sperm reaches an ovule, it penetrates it and the egg is fertilized. Many weeks later, a baby salmon, called a fry, hatches. When the young salmon are big and strong enough, they head out to the ocean and start the process all over again.

In the meantime, parents should take their children to zoos and animal farms as often as possible. The more familiar they become with the baby animals running around, and perhaps with the males mounting the females, the more questions they’ll ask. After many visits to the said areas, and seeing many appropriately selected films on the matter, it is then relatively easy to explain how the male sperm gets to the female ovule in bigger animals. They already know how that happens with flowers and salmon, and going one step further is a no brainer.

So, when the dreaded question is asked, when the child asks the parents if they did it too, they’ll be ready. A wise parent may want to deflect the question by talking about what happens to the child’s body as he enters puberty. The child will be told in a nonsense manner that his body will soon be transformed as it gets ready to reproduce and he should be told what to expect. He may already be aware that something is happening to his body. No matter, it’s a good time to tell him that signs of maturity for the girl are the development of breasts, hips and pubic hair, while for the boy, it’s facial hair, pubic hair, muscle and a deep voice. Then he has to be told about his ANS and the urges he or she will experience, like wanting to touch the person of the other sex, innocent urges that society mistakenly calls puppy love, but that can easily turn into a horrific life experience if not handled properly.

He is aware that his ANS has total control over him, and knows the role the hypothalamus plays. The hypothalamus is a tiny primitive brain that sits on top of the spinal chord and forces living beings to breathe, eat, drink, urinate, defecate and reproduce, just to name a few of the vital functions that don’t depend on one’s will. When it awakens to sexual stimuli, the hypothalamus sends hormones (a chemical message) to the pituitary gland telling it to produce the appropriate hormones which are then sent on to the concerned reproductive organs. The child will be told that in a very short while, his body will have to deal with this sex stimulus. When this happens, the boy will get an erection and the girl will feel tingling as the clitoris and labia become engorged. The sensations are pleasant but uncomfortable. The girl who is looking at the cute boy with the angel curls or the boy who is looking at the bumps on a girl’s t-shirt can go crazy thinking about it as more and more sex hormones are sent from the hypothalamus to the erotic areas of the body.

The ANS forces override our will. When we’re hungry we have no choice but to grab something to eat, and the same goes when we’re thirsty. But what are we to do when we’re sexually aroused? We can go for a long run or take a cold shower in order to take our mind off it, or we might want to masturbate. Wise parents will already have told their children that self-stimulation not only relieves tension but gives pleasure, and that it’s a perfectly safe and healthy thing to do as long as relieving tension is the main goal. After all, the body is not a toy. Again, there is much information on the subject on the net, and parents should encourage them to seek out the information that is of interest to them and be readily available to answer their questions. They should especially insist on the fact that masturbation is not a demeaning act, while at the same time teach them about their main erotic zones, the frenulum and the clitoris.

At this time, the child might be curious about what their parents did when they were their age and how they met. The best way for the parents to answer is to say that they went through exactly what he’ll soon be going through, and that they did what their parents did before them, because that’s what healthy humans do. They must talk openly about it, for letting him act out of ignorance when his time comes can only lead to his feeling bad about his behavior, or worse. If parents have established an intimate relationship with the child, they should find it easy to tell him or her how mom and dad met, how they became lovers, and when they decided to have the beautiful child that’s before them. The child can only find such a story beautiful and admire his parents all the more for having the courage to tell it.

60-FACING SOCIETY

At 21 years of age, as planned, our imaginary young couple has decided to commit to marriage and have children. At this time, they are both in the final year of their respective bachelor’s degree. She has been accepted at a veterinary school, and he is to start his internship with a local architectural firm the following year.

Since the architectural firm and the veterinary school happen to be in the city where their parents live, and since all four parents are anxious to have grandchildren, they will go ahead and have their first child in the summer months prior to her entering veterinary school. With so many available and willing babysitters, having her first child at that time will not interfere with her studies.

Their first child turned out to be a boy, and the next few years were pure bliss as they got more involved in their individual fields of study and worked at making the third member of the family team feel welcome. Four years later, they had a girl. It was also the time to get the boy ready to face the world, that is to enter primary school.

They soon realized how awesome a challenge it was to have a child integrate the outside world. The traditional Judeo-Christian education system was not in sync with what he was being taught at home, and it had to be countered in three main areas: religion, evolution and reproduction. After meeting with the school principal, they were relieved to find that he did not believe in nor promote creationism. Having raised him to be confident in what he believes, the child will be able to handle the disturbing effects of religious thought on his own, in the classroom and the schoolyard.

The 5-year-old has been introduced to Charles Darwin’s laws of natural selection and knows that all living things on earth have evolved from a common source of life and that humans belong to the ape family. He knows that all living things like trees, fish, birds, and bears, and natural inanimate things like prairies, mountains and rivers are interconnected, and if all thrive, people thrive. He also knows that because humans are the only intelligent beings, they have the responsibility of protecting all the other living things along with their habitats.

He knows that when humans broke the time barrier and became intelligent a very long time ago, they became aware of their mortality and were overcome with fear. In trying to appease the spirits and the natural forces that were now perceived as supernatural threats, they invoked them in thousands of ways. When loved ones died, in order to show respect and make sure the spirit of the deceased was given time to leave the body and reach the world of spirits safely, they were interred. Some 5000 years ago, religious myths started being put to paper, and the child realizes that it was an effective way to deal with the fears relating to death and the after world. Judaism was the first religion to be set to paper, followed by the eastern religions, but it was Christianity created in 325 CE that gave us the world we find ourselves in today, notwithstanding the fact that Islam, created several centuries later, does play an important role in the world, especially in the Middle East.

The child knows that though Judaism, Christianity and Islam all lay claim to one God, each group has a different prophet, namely Abraham, Jesus-Christ and Mohammed, to interpret His will. And because each group thinks his prophet knows best and is willing to fight the others to prove it, the boy has been told that it’s wise not to join these groups, and instead, to live at peace with the spirits of the natural world by respecting and protecting their habitats. Like his parents, he has a deep respect for Mother Nature, the giver of life, and like them, he believes that all matter is part of a whole. Like his parents he believes there is no hard and fast distinction between the spiritual and physical world, and that ‘soul’ is not limited to humans. All living things, all the mountains and rivers, all the seasons and forests, and all the natural entities have essence, and their presence affects our lives as we affect theirs.

Like his parents, he will speak softly and carry a big stick when challenged on troublesome religious topics. He’ll never refute one’s belief in a creator or a god, but if asked, he will clearly state that he believes that Mother Nature is all powerful, and though he doesn’t understand that force, he can easily observe it and respect it. He will never put down those who speak to their god through prayer, and he will not take sides regarding the different prophets. That should keep him out of trouble.

He has been told time and time again by both parents that he was dearly wanted, that he is loved and that he is an indispensable part of the family. He has been told that though he may not know as many things as his parents, he is surely as intelligent as they are, and perhaps more so. His parents will always guide him when making life choices, but he’s the one who has to make the final decision. His parents will support him unconditionally, and if ever he needs their help, they’ll defend him no matter what. If they disagree with the path he follows or the decisions he makes, they will clearly tell him why and refrain from passing judgment. They want to have him around for a very long time, and later, when he decides to create his own family, they want him to do what he loves doing for a living and to have a loving intimate partner with whom to share his life. If he succeeds, it will make them happy, especially if he has children and doesn’t live far away.

59-THE IDEAL COUPLE

With regards to the hypothetical couple that I’ve chosen, both partners are eighteen years of age and heterosexual. They have been having regular sex for two years with both their parents’ approval, and they are both intent on avoiding disease and pregnancy. She has an LARC arm implant, and they can’t get enough of each other, so for now, fidelity and pregnancy are not a problem. They both agree to be answerable to all four parents who support them unconditionally, and this fosters mutual affection and trust.

They share thoughts and feelings concerning their parents, siblings, teachers, friends and pets, and talk about everything under the sun. They are aware they are living in the best of all possible worlds. They know they are 100% animals of the ape family and that their branch became intelligent some three million years ago. As intelligent animals, they realize they have the possibility of exercising some control over their autonomic nervous system. By curbing the disruptive forces of their ANS, mainly with regards to reproduction, they realize they can look forward to a lifelong relationship in a happy family context.

They are aware that all beings are beautiful and fulfilled when in a nurturing or creative mode, and that’s why they both want to form a lifelong family team and do what they love doing for a living. They have just finished high school, but do not plan to go to college until they are absolutely sure of what they want to do for a living. For now, he wants to become an architect. He has been working summers for a local building contractor and the latter has agreed to employ him full time. His passion is to conceive and eventually build self-sustaining buildings. She is very interested in animals and wants to be a veterinarian. After working summers at a local zoo, she has been offered an assistant’s position fulltime. Her passion is living with plants and animals and learning how to take care of them. They have rented a modest house on the outskirts of the city in order to have the full experience of living together. They want the responsibilities of looking after a house, having a garden and pets, and doing daily chores. His father gave them his car when he upgraded to a hybrid, and that takes care of transportation. They are committed to living together three years and will not marry or have kids till the end of that period, if they so decide. If one of them changes his or her mind during the trial period, they will go their separate ways, no matter how painful. All four parents are partners to this agreement and will support them in any way they can.

As they go about working in the real world as apprentices, they will pay for their own living expenses. As for college tuition, their parents have already planned ahead by creating a fund for that very purpose. In the meantime, they will glean all the knowledge they possibly can from their coworkers and sign up for all pertinent online university courses while waiting to physically register at a university in order to terminate their degrees and pursue their life’s passion.

They are active teens who jog and swim on a regular basis and have no intention of stopping. They each have a smartphone but use them strictly for meaningful communication. Like her mother, she refuses to wear the badge of femininity, no matter how great the social pressures. But of course, she doesn’t intend giving up on bizarre hairdos, fun clothing, and junky jewellery. They intend to cut the cable and stick to reading, watching movies and making and listening to music. Inviting friends over for simple home prepared meals made with natural ingredients will be a lot of fun. His father already makes his own wine, and he plans to team up with him, for making wine with his dad will be a nice way for them to bond. Enjoying the odd glass of wine with his wife-to-be and friends over home-cooked meals will also make for heart-warming experiences.

Accumulating wealth will never be their main objective. However, because they live in a world where it’s rather easy to make money, it’s not to be dismissed out of hand. Real estate values tend to rise, so owning one’s own home is a starting point. As for making real money, the couple will sit down and decide which multinational they want working for them. They’ll choose one that makes things they personally believe in and that are indispensable to the human race, like food, transport, communication, biotechnology and energy. Once they’re convinced they have the right company, they’ll buy shares in it every time they have spare money. Buying shares via the internet is a rather cheap and easy way to go about doing just that. Once the shares are bought, they’ll forget about them. They’ll never play the market. Their capital will grow as the world markets grow, and by adding to their capital little by little, down the road, they’ll have more than enough for their children’s education and their own retirement. If they adopt a healthy lifestyle, are passionate about their work, own their own home, and invest their extra cash in their chosen multinationals, they’ll have done away with most material obstacles that usually prove disastrous to young married couples, and thus be free to have and raise children. However, the greatest destructive force that they’ll have to face in their relationship is still lurking in the wings.

This young couple has seriously reflected on the problem where males are genetically programmed to reproduce well into old age while females cease to reproduce at menopause. They know that when she reaches menopause, he will no longer be sexually aroused by her. Since his ANS will continue to incite him to reproduce, and since he will be looking at younger women, they must get ready to counter this eventual pitfall. When a couple reaches that stage, it’s what I call hitting the WALL.

Fortunately, they know that human means intelligent, and that they have some say in complying with their ANS. For instance, if one is hungry, one can have an apple or a processed meat sandwich, and if one is thirsty, one can have a glass of water or a can of pop laced with sugar. The individual has no choice but to quench his thirst or satiate his hunger, but because he’s intelligent, he can choose how to do it, and with what. In a similar manner, they can control their libido to some degree, and that’s the secret to countering the potential destructive forces of the ANS.

They know they are animals that became intelligent when hominids broke the time barrier some three million years ago. They know that being intelligent means they can connect past experiences with the present and use that knowledge to make a better future. They know that sex is not love. Sex is forced upon them by their ANS in order to reproduce, whereas love is the result of intimacy and sharing. All beings are forced to have sex, regardless of specie, therefore, when the couple’s sex life is on the wane and his ANS incites him to look at younger women, they’ll both know what’s happening and he will categorically refuse to take Viagra or give in to his ANS. They are fortunate to be intimate with each other, both intellectually and physically, so when they hit the WALL, having always refused to let their libido define them as humans, she may even be able to poke fun at him when he starts looking sideways at younger women.

Their love will grow as their family grows, and not much self-control will be needed to resist having sex with a stranger. Why would he knowingly risk losing the warmth and joy that a loving family provides and that took years to build, for the pleasure of having sashimi served by a young geisha? One thing is certain, as their mutual affection grows, and as they go gaga over their grandchildren, they’ll both know that destroying their family life for a furtive romp in the sack with another is totally insane. Love will win over sex, especially if they are fully aware of the pressures that the ANS is putting on them, and they are.

If they’re really lucky, they’ll discover that one of the most beautiful things in the world, is growing old gracefully. An older woman sitting at her computer writing her book, nursing an animal back to health in her veterinarian clinic, or giving TLC to the plants in her garden, are beautiful sights to behold. And what about an older man teaching his grandson how to build a tree house, or his granddaughter how to play violin! What’s so bad about growing old? Does the woman have to become a wrinkled Barbie, or the man a ridiculous Casanova?