62-THE BUDDING LIBIDO

 

We are 100% animal of the ape family, but we are unique animals in that we are intelligent, which means we can connect the past, the present and the future. The more we can do that the more intelligent we are. However, on the happiness scale, intelligence is only an asset if we use it to be nurturing or creative.

When we became intelligent, we left the world of natural selection, and therein lies a major human problem. We kept on living according to the laws of natural selection that encourage us to adopt a ‘survival of the fittest’ attitude, instead of striving to establish an enduring, loving and connected family, and identifying what we really love to do and doing it for a living. We always want more of everything. We want to be or give the impression that we are smarter, richer and stronger, and we seek better diplomas, more money, a bigger house, a more expensive car and many other ‘mores’. We are absolutely blind to the fact that we live in the best of all possible worlds, a world of credit that gives us every opportunity to be happy. It’s not that the ‘mores’ are bad in themselves, it’s just that we choose them to the detriment of happiness. Creating a family that endures one’s lifespan and doing what we love doing for a living are the things that make us happy, yet, we opt for the ‘mores’. Being nurturing and creative definitely takes second place. Putting it another way, we’re more concerned about impressing others than doing things that make us happy.

I discovered that the great world of credit was created by the greatest man that ever lived, and if my findings are sound, and they are, we should want to take advantage of that world. Accepting the fact that we are apes that left the world of natural selection some three million years ago, thrashing the laws of survival of the fittest that make us always want more, and learning how to be nurturing and creative, would be a good way to do just that.

We have all the bad traits of apes, because that’s what we are. It could even be said that we display more despicable behaviors than our wild cousins because we’re more resourceful, more intelligent. We may have learned to deal with hunger, thirst, urination and defecation, but not our libido, and if we helped our children understand and manage their emerging libido, it could have a huge positive effect on the life path they choose.

We are psychologically constructed in two stages. The foundation is laid when we are taught to be intimate as a newborn. That’s when the lucky ones learn that they’re somebody and feel good about themselves. The second stage occurs when the child’s libido awakens. The first thoughts, dreams and impressions are innocent enough, but when his libido takes hold and causes physical changes to his body, he is thrown in total disarray. That’s when the child tends to stray from his parents’ influence and compare himself to his peers in order to find out where he stands in the world. He will stray more or less depending on how well connected he is to his parents. He will try in every which way to find out if he’s attractive to others. He will test those around him to see if what he thinks is sound, and he will use any bad faith subterfuge in doing so. At this stage, he may become introverted or extraverted, for at puberty very few humans can look at facts objectively, reacting mostly to what the peer group says and thinks about them.

To make matters worse, because we’ve been living in a world of leisure since early twentieth century, and since virtual reality has taken over our lives via the smartphone, we are not in an enviable position. Though, unlike thirst and hunger, libido is not essential to the teen’s survival, he will spend most of his waking hours thinking about it because the sexual urge being forced upon him promises exquisite pleasure, especially if he has already experienced an orgasm.

So, if the child knows that his ANS will unleash a serious attack on his body and that he will be forced to make babies, he has a fighting chance in dealing properly with this assault. He learned to cope with bodily functions when he was two, and how to eat properly when he was four, but now he must deal with the imposition of creating life. He will be hit with a bodily function that nobody feels comfortable with and that few feel free to talk about. Its doubly complicated because in forcing him to reproduce, his ANS forces him to find a partner as well. And since sticking one’s body parts in the orifices of another body is not something very esthetic, nor very flattering for the intelligent human’s self image, he will be faced with a serious dilemma. So, the parent has to help the child deal with his libido just as he did with toilet training.

The boy will soon feel the urgent need to stick his erect penis into any available target, but he should be told to absolutely refrain from penetrating a girl’s vagina, at least until he knows what it implies, emotionally, physically and socially. By this time, he should be aware that having and raising a child is one of the greatest experiences one can ever have. The sexual act is definitely not as banal as making a sandwich to feed his hunger, drinking a glass of milk to quench his thirst, or going to the toilet to alleviate his bowels or his bladder. He is forced to do all those things, but he must never forget that having sex is for making babies, first and foremost.

The part where the parent explains the mechanics of producing a baby need not be too worrying, for there are many good web sites that show how sperm is fabricated and how it is released into the female body where a female egg may be waiting to be fertilized. Learning how the baby grows and how it is born is also quite straightforward, thanks to the web. Learning how we can physically stop the sperm from reaching the female egg, or how the female can use the pill to chemically halt its progress in her body is also very well explained. The only thing the parent has to do is be available in order to guide the child and answer his questions.

The difficult part is explaining what follows the birth of a baby. The teen must be made to realize the enormous emotional investment that’s involved. Genetically, a parent, no matter how old, will genetically be disposed to sacrifice his or her life in order to protect his offspring. So how does a teen feel if he has to give it up for adoption or have the pregnancy terminated. How does a youth handle those life and death decisions? That is an awesome load to carry through life if one has to make such a decision. So, the teen should be told not to experiment, especially if he doesn’t use some solid means of contraception. If one is stupid enough to play with sex as he would a video game, the least he can do is avoid pregnancy and disease.

Parents should make a point of telling the youth that having sex without developing a relationship is not gratifying and certainly not conducive to feeling good about oneself. One has to respect the partner as a person, not just a sexual object. From the boy’s standpoint, having an orgasm is a no-brainer, so he would be wise to masturbate instead of forcing himself on some unwary partner. He may be motivated to relate his sexual conquests to others in order to be popular, but it can only do a lot of harm, to both the girl and the boy. Doing things to impress others is a catastrophic modus operandi. On the other hand, if he develops a real relationship with his partner, if the couple decides together to experiment, and if they take the necessary steps to avoid pregnancy, that can be constructive. Later, if they go their separate ways, they should be able to remember their relationship as a wonderful experience with a nice human being. If that can’t be guaranteed, they shouldn’t experiment in the first place.

There’s also a social factor that can have a colossal impact on a teen’s life, especially the girl. If a girl decides to take the pill and have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry, she’ll be quickly labelled a slut, or worse. That is not a way to start on a life journey. If both teens decide to have sex, they should both do so after establishing a genuine relationship, taking necessary contraceptive measures, and having, if at all possible, the tacit approval of the parents.

 

 

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